The Soultown! Volume III: Issue 8 AUGUST 2019 | Page 27

GUEST WRITER
Why White
Girls Need
Black Female
Friends
WATERLOO, IA - I still remember the moment
she walked into my college dorm room. Tanisha was
a friend of a classmate who brought us together at
Boston University. Today I’m still tight with Tanisha,
but only occasionally see the other girl pop up on my
Facebook feed. Unlike so many other acquaintances
over the years, Tanisha and I have a deep and lasting
friendship -- despite a statistic I once read that three
out of four white people have zero Black friends.
I’m Caucasian. She’s African American. I grew up
in Peoria, Illinois where I graduated from Manual High
School in 1991 with a class that was 60% students
of color. She’s from Lexington, Massachusetts, an
affluent community outside Boston with a lot of white
people. The connection between us was natural.
Both outspoken, self-confident, independent and
most of all loyal in our commitment to those we love,
while grounded in faith. So many years later, she is
one of the few people I still have long conversations
with over the phone.
When anyone says, I have a/an (insert race
here) friend and goes on to expound their knowledge
about someone else’s cultural experience much
different from their own, I always think ‘but were you
in their wedding?’ Seriously. Most of us do not have
the privilege of including a friend of another race on
our ride-or-die list. And as an expert on white girls,
since I am one, I can tell you that’s a shame. Tanisha
and I both served as bridesmaids in each other’s
weddings. If the non-whites in your life are simply
people you work with or say hello to at the grocery
store, you are truly missing out on the benefits of
having a close confidant of color.
Sure we disagree at times and have heated
debates about everything from politics and social
issues to celebrity gossip and reality shows.
That’s because at the heart of our friendship lies a
foundation of mutual respect, trust and above all,
love. We don’t hold grudges or assume ill intent. I
care deeply for Tanisha and will work to ensure she
is included as part of the rest of my life. Our shared
Left, Tanisha and right, Tara.
experiences being
married and raising
children
and
navigating America
as
middle-aged
women transcend
any racial divisions
currently playing out
on Twitter.
When we met,
Tanisha was dating
TARA THOMAS
a White guy. I had
GETTMAN
a black boyfriend.
Guest Writer
She is so stunning,
when we walked into bars or nightclubs back in those
college days, ALL the heads would turn. Yet her
beauty is equally matched with brains. Today we are
married to men of our same races. She lives outside
New York City in an upscale New Jersey community.
Courtesy Photo
I’m raising a family in Waterloo, Iowa. We are always
a text away, and just knowing she is there means
so much. Tanisha is a big cheerleader for me, never
jealous.
The truth is I am better for having a close Black
female friend. Our relationship enhances my journey
in so many ways -- most of which have nothing to
do with her being African American. But that’s the
point. I do see color and value her contribution as a
strong Black woman. And that informs and inspires
my own. How fortunate for me she is not THE token
Black woman on my friend list. Many other African
American females and males serve as role models,
mentors and professional peers in my inner circle.
For that, I consider myself blessed.
I am Tara Thomas Gettman, guest writer
for The Soultown International Magazine.
I’d like to thank ALL of my friends for having
SOUL! ,
Aug. 2019 • The Soultown International Magazine • Celebrating 2 years • Connecting Our Cultures to Our Cyber & Conscious Communities • thesoultown.com
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