Method No . 3 :
anger , shame , bitterness , pessimism or hopelessness ), the key is to help the person identify the thought that is producing the negative emotion . No emotion just shows up out of thin air . The person had a thought that produced the emotion . When the emotion becomes debilitating , the key is to challenge the thought in order to think in a way that produces a healthier emotion such as gratitude , optimism , hopefulness or resilience . For example , if the person is afraid of failing on a big project , you might say , “ Why are you afraid of that happening ?” If the person says that he or she is scared that things will go poorly and reflect poorly on future opportunities , you could ask , “ How do you define failure ?”
If the person says it means not getting the desired results , you can say , “ Have you ever pursued a goal in the past and not achieved it , but you learned something that was of value on a future project ?” If the person says , “ Yes , that has happened several times to me ,” then you could say , “ Why are you afraid ? Even if you don ’ t hit the desired results , you could apply what you learned either on a future project at this organization or at another organization .”
It might even help if you share examples of famous people who “ failed ” to achieve a desired outcome and yet went on to achieve incredible results on future projects by applying what they learned in previous “ failures .” Just by bringing the negative-emotion-producing thought out into the open , you can help the person challenge that thought and see his or her situation in a new way .
Two great books on this method are “ A Guide to Rational Living ” by Albert Ellis and Robert Harper and “ Learned Optimism ” by Martin Seligman .
Johnson , the well-known psychologist whose books , “ He , She , We and Inner Work ,” have sold more than 2.5 million copies . In his autobiography , “ Balancing Heaven and Earth ,” he wrote , “ The counselor should be prepared to battle for the other person ’ s growth .”
In 1998 , a year after I began as executive coach , I was working with a client who was an executive in a Fortune 100 company . I thought we got along great . A year into our relationship he said , “ Dan , do I ever do anything that you think is wrong or that could be better ?” I said , “ Absolutely , yes .” He said very loudly , “ Then tell me . It does no good if you don ’ t tell me when you think I ’ m wrong or I could be better .”
Quite honestly , I had held off on giving him criticism because I didn ’ t want to lose him as a client just as I was starting my business . Ironically , I almost lost him as a client because I didn ’ t tell him when I thought he could do things in a better way .
As an adviser , one important role you have is to be honest with the other person . Give the person your suggestions and perspective . You ’ re not controlling the person . You are being a thinking partner . S
As an executive coach , management consultant , seminar leader and keynote speaker , DAN COUGHLIN works with executives and managers on an individual and group basis to increase their effectiveness and significance . Visit his free Business Leadership Idea Center at www . thecoughlincompany . com .
Method No . 3 :
Challenge a Status Quo Mindset
Sometimes people get stuck in an old way of doing things . They are simply satisfied with what they are producing and are not looking to consider any new approaches . This is when you can challenge the person ’ s thought process . You can do so by asking open-ended questions , offering a perspective and providing suggestions . Again , you ’ re not telling the person what to do . You are simply serving as a thinking partner . Only the other person can make the final decision , not you . You are the challenger , and the other person is the decision-maker .
You might say , “ I understand you ’ ve gotten consistent results using that approach , but is there another approach that you could use to get even better results ?”
Or , “ Here ’ s an approach that I ’ ve seen other folks use in that situation . What do you see as the upside and downside of their approach ?”
Or , “ I think you may have fallen into a trap in this situation . The trap is you found an approach that works pretty well , and consequently , you have stuck with it . How about if we brainstorm to see if we can come up with a better approach ?”
Or , “ Here ’ s my suggestion . What do you think of using this approach ?”
One of my favorite quotes on this method is from Robert
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THESCORE | 2016 Issue 4