Ten Irrational Beliefs from “A Guide to Rational Living”
Here are 10 irrational beliefs that Albert Ellis and Robert
Harper explain in their book,“A Guide to Rational Living,” with
a brief comment from me after each one:
Irrational Belief No. 1: The idea that you must – yes, must –
have love or approval from all of the significant people in your
life.
DC: If those people HAVE to love you, does that really constitute real love?
Irrational Belief No. 2: The idea that you absolutely must be
thoroughly competent, adequate and achieving. Or a saner but
still foolish variation: The idea that you at least must be competent or talented in some important areas.
DC: Why must you be talented in some important area? Why
would that ever be an absolute given?
Irrational Belief No. 3: The idea that people absolutely must
not act obnoxiously and unfairly, and when they do, you should
blame and damn them, and see them as bad, wicked or rotten
individuals.
DC: People can act however they want to act. That’s what
makes them people.
Irrational Belief No. 4: The idea that you have to see things
as being awful, terrible, horrible and catastrophic when you are
seriously frustrated or treated unfairly.
DC: If someone cuts in front of you while you’re driving, you
should be frustrated. Turning that frustration into a sustained
feeling for the next month that life is horrible is completely
irrational. People can be rude drivers. It happens. Move on.
Irrational Belief No. 5: The idea you must be miserable when
you have pressures and difficult experiences and that you have
little ability to control, and cannot change, your disturbed
feelings.
DC: Pressure comes with being alive. Difficult experiences
happen to everyone. We can always choose how we perceive a
situation. Think to yourself: I’m alive and with that sometimes
come great difficulties. It’s part of the game.
Irrational Belief No. 6: The idea that if something is
dangerous or fearsome, you must obsess about it and frantically
try to escape from it.
DC: That’s like trying to run away from the world every day
because there are dangerous things in the world somewhere all
the time.
DC: That’s like turning over your emotions today to a rude
teacher you had in fourth grade. Let it go and move on with
your life.
Irrational Belief No. 9: The idea that people and things
absolutely must be better than they are and that it is awful and
terrible if you cannot change life’s grim facts to suit you.
DC: This one reminds me of my irrational belief that people
should do what I expect them to do. The reality is, we can’t
change other people. Only they can change themselves.
Irrational Belief No. 10: The idea that you can achieve
maximum human happiness by inertia and inaction or by
passively and uncommittedly “enjoying yourself.”
DC: How can you enjoy a game when you refuse to play it?
Conclusion
When you find yourself stuck in a negative emotion, know
that there may be an irrational belief lurking somewhere in
your brain. Go find it and take it on directly. Wrestle it to the
ground. Argue with it until it no longer makes sense. And then
move on with your life and get back to the business of making
a significant difference with your life. S
DAN COUGHLIN believes any person can make a p