The Portal May 2018 - Page 5

ragon THE P RTAL May 2018 Page 5 Snapdragon celebrates Spring I’ve measured it from side to side ‘Tis three foot long and two foot wide S pring is such an uplifting time of the year that one can’t help feeling grateful. Easter egg hunts, ticket inspectors, budget airlines all take on a roseate hue that speaks generally of the Resurrection. It really is a time for pulling oneself together and whistling loudly and untunefully as one sets about improving the world. My neighbour   (as in two villages away but grand daughters ride out together clubbing when the time is right) was moaning about the Rector’s sermon at Easter sufficiently persistently to induce a spasm of helpfulness and the suggestion that she could begin by offering a little hospitality. Well, what a party we had. A Coptic Bishop, charming but filthy dirty, some spivs from the city, equally charming but rather cleaner, a German monk from Glenstall who appeared to be wired to the moon, and the usual suspects from round and about. Among the many good things to come out of this was the Rector’s attempt to resuscitate the bishop who had been undone by an eightsome reel and french cricket played up and down the staircases, in which an excitable monk took a prominent part egged on by the wife of one of our local MPs. The windows, despite their age, weathered the storm well and, all in all, a splendid example of why parties are such a good thing. No wonder Our Lord was at them whenever the opportunity arose. badger after a very unpleasant chat with a passing vet. Apparently these disease-ridden animals, though full of tuberculosis, are entirely protected and there is an enormous risk that the RSPCA will prosecute me for incitement to kill, or that I will be had up for encouraging people to stop on roads and pick up carcasses. This is so appalling that I begin to see why perfectly respectable people sell up and retire to the south of France to gorge themselves to death on pate de fois gras and other pleasing emanations of the over- fed goose. Th