42 Community Columns
Ponte Vedra Recorder · November 5, 2015
What does it mean to “take a break?”
Neil Rosenthal
Columnist
Dear Neil: My boyfriend and I have
recently been having communication
issues, and he suggested “taking a
break.” What exactly does it mean to
take a break? We talked about seeing
other people and figuring out where
each of us is headed. He also suggested we could get together in a month
to talk about whether we wanted to
continue the relationship. Is this normal, or is he trying to distance himself
so that the breakup is easier? What
do I need to work on before we get
together again and talk about it?
Taking a Break in Longmont, Colorado
Dear Taking a Break: He could be
testing you. When he says “let’s take
a break,” do you protest? Do you say
you couldn’t go that long without him?
Do you declare your everlasting love
and devotion to him? Some people
feel insecure, and they say “let’s take
a break” or “let’s break up” as a way
of gauging how committed you are
to them. Also, your boyfriend may be
testing himself and how he feels about
you. Does he miss you after a month?
Think about you when he’s not with
you? He could be testing how he feels
without you, and how devoted, committed or attracted he is to you.
However, he might have someone
else in mind and would like to test
the waters with another while still
keeping you on the line. If the other
relationship works out, then he will
presumably call it off with you. If it
doesn’t work out, he is in the position
to come back to you.
And yes, your guess could be correct—he could be leaning toward
breaking up with you. He might be
saying that he just doesn’t feel close
or connected enough to remain in the
relationship with you, and a month
off might give him the perspective
about whether he wants you or not. A
month off will likely make the relationship feel more distant or further
away, and therefore easier for him to
call things off if he so wishes.
What you can do during the month
is to carefully look at how you feel
about him, and whether you think this
guy is a good choice for you. How
devoted or emotionally attached are
you to him? This month-long break
is not just about how he feels toward
you, it’s looking at how you feel in a
relationship with him. How close do
you feel to him, and how compatible
and connected are the two of you?
Do you think this relationship has a
promising future, or does it exist as
a port in the storm or primarily to
relieve loneliness?
If you want this guy, clearly express
that to him. If you feel so-so about
him after a month, you have a decision to make. Do you want to attempt
to deepen this relationship, or let it
go?
Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and
family therapist in Westminster and Boulder, Colorado. His column is in its 24th year
of publication, and is syndicated around
the world. You can reach him at 303-7588777, or email him through his website:
www.heartrelationships.com. He is the
author of the new book: “Love, Sex and
Staying Warm: Keeping the Flame Alive.”
Subscribe to the Recorder!
Call (904) 285-8831.
904-285-8831