The Perfect Gentleman Issue 8 - Halloween | Page 41

Scary Dates

“Are you going to eat that?” he asked, eyeing my
scraps.
“Uh, no,” I replied.
“Mind if I do?”
I should have seen this coming; the second time
we saw each other, he came over to cook dinner
with me. I keep dried beans, rice, grains, nuts
and seeds in jars on a shelf in my kitchen. I had
my back turned to him as we chatted and I
cooked on the stove. I turned around at the very
moment he was about to toss a handful of
sunflower seeds he had poured out of one of the
jars - without asking - into his mouth.
He didn’t see me again. I “ghosted” him.

I met a nice fellow at a networking event
recently who asked me out. I accepted and met
up with him a couple of evenings later for
dinner.The poor thing wanted so much for me
to like him and I may have, but I choked under
the cloud of cologne he bathed in. Then I
noticed an unripe smudge of a moustache that
touched a short, heavily-manicured beard,
indicative of his suburban roots. On the top of
his head lay a glistening and impenetrable crust
of gelled hair that looked like a scab waiting to
detach and fall off. It goes without saying that
the concept of “less is more” was wasted on him.
This young needy thing launched a barrage of
texts and phone calls a day later. Early on, he
attempted to sext me, his efforts weak,
uncomfortable, and almost embarrassing (“I
kind of want you right now,” he texted. Kind
of?).
I suppose this gets into confidence, or in this
case, lack thereof. There is a suggestion that
there is a co-dependent streak in types like
these, to no fault of their own, but still, a little
self-awareness goes a long way. So does a little
scent and just a little hair product.

March of the Cling-ons
Cling-ons, unlike Klingons, Star Trek’s hostile
aliens with spine-line structures on their
foreheads, are needy, emotionally impoverished
suction cups who try too hard for our attention
and acceptance. These soppy, sentimental types
can be energy vampires without even knowing it
– and they’re everywhere!

The Perfect Lady

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