God gave me mercy , instead of a lengthy prison sentence . This was a second chance for me . I began to serve at church and was soon married . I entered the School of Discipleship and then the School of Ministry that was offered there . I began to facilitate a Bible study that focused on victory from addiction through a relationship with Jesus Christ . I also went on in-country mission trips , and I even taught from the pulpit to the congregation on a few occasions .
Why do I tell you all of this ? It is not to boast or lift myself up . It is not to paint a picture that life is problem free in a relationship with God . It isn ’ t to show you some sort of spiritual ladder you must climb either . I tell you these things to set a stage for the things I would learn the hard way so you don ’ t have to .
You see , I thought I had my life together . I was a “ good Christian ,” doing the things a Christian does . I thought I had surrendered my life to God . It all made sense in my head ; repentance , forgiveness , and salvation . Now , I do what a “ Christian ” does right ?! I read my Bible , prayed , went to church , served , didn ’ t swear , loved , and was “ good .”
That was me thinking I had surrendered my life to God . I thought I was a Christian because I did what a “ Christian ” does . Maybe that is you . I know we are quick to say , “ No that ’ s not me !” I had the “ that ’ s not me ” attitude . Week after week , I was hearing God ’ s message from the pulpit , but I didn ’ t necessarily think it pertained to me . It was more for the other guy . Thinking , I hope so and so is hearing this , I ’ ve got this down . I was doing what a “ Christian ” did , remember ? This continued for several years . I went on gaining head knowledge , living on my effort and performance . All the while thinking I was rightly related to God . I essentially hit cruise control and became comfortable living what I thought the “ Christian ” life was . I didn ’ t examine my heart , I examined what I did which puffed up my pride and led to my disobedience .
The problem was I hadn ’ t totally surrendered all of me to God . He had my head but not my heart . That still belonged to me along with its desires which apart from God is desperately wicked . I began to give myself permission to have some of my old life back since I had things “ together .” I thought a little wouldn ’ t hurt , I can control it , and I deserve it . It started with pornography which led to lies and deception . It wasn ’ t long until I committed adultery , and eventually , I committed the crime of child enticement . I was living two separate lives .
Like I said before , sin takes you further than you ever wanted to go and keeps you longer than you ever wanted to stay . I would have never imagined I was capable of such things . I had deceived myself into thinking I was rightly related to God . The reality was I did not truly understand what that meant .
This is such an important thing to get right , my friend . We must be rightly related to God . When we are not , we are capable of anything – yes , anything . To say you ’ re not is prideful and foolish . Learn from me and take heed lest you fall . Sincerely and honestly examine yourself . It ’ s not too late to repent and surrender your heart to God .
The consequence came and I pretty much lost everything . I was given a four-year prison sentence . The one thing I didn ’ t lose was God ’ s love for me . He is a good Father and knew what I needed . This has been a difficult road , but God has been with me every step of the way . By his grace and through the Holy Spirit I am understanding what it means to be rightly related to God . It isn ’ t about the doing but knowing Him . The doing comes from knowing Him . Understanding who I am in relation to God and having my identity in Christ changes everything . Life is still difficult , and I do struggle . The difference is I now have convictions that move and hold me . I understand that apart from God ’ s grace , I am capable of anything – the most wicked things . He has my heart , mind , and my desires are His desires . I ’ m thankful God has given me another chance and not deserted me .
I had to learn so much the hard way , and regrettably I hurt many people along the way . I hope you can learn something from my experience , avoiding the pitfalls that I encountered . I pray that you would develop convictions within your relationship to God . Convictions differ from opinions . You will die for convictions and only argue over an opinion . A conviction is something that holds you , an opinion is something you hold . This is all so important and worth taking the time to mediate upon . God is worthy . Righteous , and just . May you draw near to Him and His promise is to draw near to you . Endeavor to be rightly related to your God and Father . It is the most important thing you will ever do , and He is the only thing that has any true and lasting worth .
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