The Pen Project Volume 1 Issue 2 - Page 15

the f word by Destiny Jackson This word made me cringe, honestly it made me want to vomit. Why should I forgive the monster that violated me? Hurt me. Destroyed my family. Abused me sexually, physically, and mentally. It was the longest seven years of my life, or so I thought, walking out of that. The healing and letting go were long years, too. For so long I lived numb, just a hollow shell. It was like I was in a coma; I didn’t want to live but didn’t want to die either. At the same time, I didn’t want anyone to know. So I wore a mask, always pretending everything was fine. But over time, the mask started to get heavy, it started to crack. So I would quickly fill those cracks with things I thought would give me life like shopping, drinking, sex, and so on. None of that brought real life to me, only more emptiness. So I would put on another mask, until I wore so many, I lost myself even further. Until I didn’t even recognize my own self in the mirror. Let me ask you this, how many masks are you wearing? Are they getting heavy? Are you ready to get rid of them? As the years went by, I would take a few steps forward in healing then 100 steps backward. The pattern kept repeating itself. I was exhausted, I didn’t want this to be my life anymore. I read a verse from Isaiah 53, “By His wounds we are healed.” I realized I could be healed if I let Him into my life. He had already died for me and took this on Himself for me to be free. Then as I really studied this whole chapter, I realized the healing wasn’t just for me. It was for everyone who was hurting. That seemed great until I realized this healing, this freedom, and this forgiveness was for my abuser as well! I had to wrestle with God on that! It didn’t seem fair to me. But this is the beauty of the Cross, it is for all. It’s for the wounded and the ones that are wounded. It is for all who accept His sacrifice on that Cross. His love has no limits. His forgiveness has no end, so why should ours? I encourage you to read all of Isaiah. You will find Jesus throughout the whole book. These words are proof that He understands where we’ve been. Have you felt like your life has been on dry ground? Have you felt unattractive and undesirable? Have you been despised and rejected? Have people hid their faces from you? This is the beginning of that chapter. I know I have felt all of those things and He has too, but He did nothing wrong, nothing to be ashamed of, all He did was love us to the point of His own death. Jesus, this is my prayer for all of those reading these words. That they would let go of the hurt that has happened in their lives, that they would forgive themselves for things they have done, and forgive others for what they have done to hurt them. Just like You did for us, forgiving all of us before we were even born. I ask that you would open their eyes to see others the way You see them. Lord, give them strength on this journey, the journey to forgiveness is a hard road. Be with them, thank you, and amen. But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5 15