The Passed Note Issue 8 October 2018 - Page 12

The IA bathroom is where I hide but it isn’t where I am.

I have Ms. K this period so I know she won’t walk in on me right now. Ms. K has us writing personal narratives today. I mean – that’s what everyone else is doing. I’m in the bathroom.

I turn off the trickle. It isn’t working. I’m breathing so fast I can feel my heart echoing in my ear. I walk into the stall but it’s not like there’s anything in here that can make the thumping stop. I pull out a wad of toilet paper and ball it up, then I squeeze it super hard. I keep squeezing til I can feel my pulse in the palm of my hand. It helps.

I should have worn earrings today. If I had earrings on, I could take one out and push it into the inside of my arm. This isn’t dangerous. Not really. I like the feel of the sharp metal on my skin. I like deciding how hard I can press. How much I want it to hurt. Sometimes I press so hard the blood bubbles up and out. Once I drew a heart and the scab came out pretty good. I didn’t show it to anyone, though. Not even Trent.

Now the bathroom door opens.

Someone is coming in. I click the stall door closed and wait.