The Messiah Herald Issue 04 May 2017 - Page 12

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Emotional Awareness & Managing Negative Emotions Practical advice to help you identify and control emotions In order to become more emotionally intelligent, the first skill you must master is emotional awareness. Are you able to identify your own emotions? Can you read the faces of people around you? Do you know how to control your emotions and help others manage their emotions? Identifying Emotions ‘Emotions don’t need a language. They don’t need permission to manifest. They are self-expressive; they do not need extra help.’ - HH Younus AlGohar Your face is transparent, like a revealing, see- through dress. Whatever emotions you feel will peek out. Whenever you experience an outburst of emotions, those emotions will manifest upon your face. When you are overjoyed, your entire body becomes animated and your face lights up. When you are feeling sad, you’ll likely have some swelling on your face. When you are angry, even while trying to control that anger, your nostrils will flare. For example, if someone is full of regret about a wrong they did, it will show on their face. They’ll look sombre, distressed - perhaps their eyes will be red and their face swollen and blotchy from tears. If you see these signs and you have emotional awareness, it should be enough to know that they are sorry. Upon realising they are sorry, you should react appropriately. His Holiness Younus AlGohar says, ‘When somebody does something wrong, sometimes I make jokes with them [rather than scolding them]. I learnt it from His Divine Eminence Gohar Shahi. His Divine Eminence said, “When somebody does something wrong, give him more love so that he can correct himself.”’ Comforting Others When somebody is injured, you bring out a first- aid kit for them. The metaphorical first-aid kit for someone who is emotionally injured is a wise friend who not only knows how to comfort them but also harnesses their emotions. If someone is upset for any reason, as a friend, you should try your best to make sure their emotions do not overwhelm them. To do this, you could offer them words of comfort and give them practical advice to help them solve the problem that is troubling them. You could remind them, ‘Don’t lose hope. Bad days do not stay forever.’ Part of consoling the emotionally overwhelmed is ensuring that they are in a sound environment where their emotional state is respected. Make sure that they do not feel as if no one cares about their pain. For example, if all the people in a room are laughing merrily while ignoring the person who is obviously suffering emotionally, this is a mark of poor character and low emotional intelligence. An emotionally intelligent individual would behave soberly around such a person and have the tact to leave their presence, before creating a cheerful atmosphere. Taking Criticism You may find that not a lot of people criticise you to reform you; most will criticise for the sake of criticism. Some people look for instruments to find flaws in you, even when those flaws are not to be found in you. Therefore, in the very first instance, you need to know whether the criticism is positive and coming from a fair-minded person, who doesn’t hold a grudge against you and who is not a habitual nagger. On the other hand, make sure that you don’t dismiss criticism based on the assumption that the one criticising you is not genuine. You might find this sort of thinking proves to be a good 12 MESSIAH HERALD / ISSUE 04 / MAY 2017 MESSIAH HERALD / ISSUE 04 / MAY 2017 excuse not to listen to any criticism at all. If it is true criticism, you must reflect on your actions and deeds. It is a blessing if you have a positive critic around you because then, you don’t have to work hard on correcting yourself. Your well-meaning critic will do half the work for you by bringing to your attention what needs to be changed; all you have to do after that is make efforts to rectify those issues. HH Younus AlGohar asserts, ‘A positive critic is the best of your mates.’ 13