EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TRUE AND FAKE EMOTIONS Is everything you feel real? H OW EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT YOU are, depends on how good you are at identifying and knowing the difference between thoughts, feelings and actions. Actions can be seen, but thoughts and feelings cannot be seen. So far we have discussed the effects of emotions on us with the understanding that the emotions we feel are genuine. However, it is also true that we sometimes exaggerate the exhibition of our emotions to others in order to get the desired reaction out of them; for example, we may be trying to earn sympathy. We may even fake our emotions in order to convince people of how much we love them. You might notice that certain people try to take advantage of you when they see that you are in a good mood. Therefore, as a deterrent, you might impose superficial anger upon yourself in front of them. What is coming from your thoughts is fake and what is coming from your feelings is true. Remember that emotions are reactions; their authenticity depends on the actions they are reactions to. You are the creator of your own thoughts; if your emotions are a reaction to those thoughts, then both the action and reaction are taking place in your mind. The feelings that arise as a response to your experiences rather than your thoughts are not made up by you in any way, therefore they are authentic. 16 MESSIAH HERALD / ISSUE 04 / MAY 2017 Hatred and Love Anger When we talk about love and hatred, we tend to look at it from a black and white perspective: hatred being bad and love being good. However, hatred need not be utilised in a negative way. Even a saint of God feels hatred because hatred is not just against human beings. You can also feel hatred for your own actions due to how you may have unintentionally hurt others. Sometimes, you hate your own habits; perhaps you want to quit doing something but you are not in control of yourself. Hatred is something that is a reaction to your expectations – you begin to have this repulsive feeling when a situation does not turn out in your favour. Love attracts and hatred repels. Love is to pull and hatred is to push. Love can have different sources, that’s why we say there is ‘true love’ and ‘fake love’. If your Carnal Self (ego) is powerful, the source of your love is evil. If the source of love is the heart, it is totally different in nature from carnal love. Nevertheless, if someone were to look at the symptoms associated with love, they would appreciate even carnal love because they would not know the difference between true and fake love. Sometimes it is a necessity and we mistake it for love. Sometimes, people say, ‘I cannot live without you,’ and later on you find out that they were right – but it was your financial support they could not live without. For now, you may think you have extreme love for somebody, but as you become more emotionally intelligent, perhaps you will find out that you needed them, not loved them. If the source of anger is the Carnal Self, it is destructive. However, anger is constructive when it comes from an enlightened heart. A fully spiritualised person has the Lord’s presence in his heart and divine energy running through his bloodstream. If he expresses anger, divine energy will emanate from his body with his words; this divine energy will nullify negative energy in people around him and aid them on the spiritual path. For most of us, anger is related to the Carnal Self. It is triggered by certain things, the most common being when a situation does not go the way we planned. For example, we might feel irritated because we want someone to do something our way, but they do it their way; or we don’t want someone to do something and yet they still do it. What we can do to help us out from this position is to broaden our minds and think ‘Maybe I am wrong and their way is better.’ Tell yourself that nobody is perfect. You cannot be arrogant, even if you have expertise in a field. Leave some room for improvement. If somebody rejects you or your policies, then do not react right away.