The Linnet's Wings Summer 2014 - Page 101

him that raised a laugh and the judges were impressed enough by his off-the-cuff tale to put him through. # The last Friday in November arrived. It was final night. If it was a good night, it would set the tone for a good Christmas take at the tills. The morning of the final Johnny was rubbing his hands together in anticipation of a good night's takings — a disaster of a month had been averted by his own creative input, and he was looking forward to a good Christmas, and he was making plans for a holiday in the Canary Islands, or even Mexico, in the New Year, day–dreaming of surf and beer and svelte bronzed women in itsy bitsy bikinis sunbathing on the beaches when the local polis arrived. Jimmy Fitzsimmons was the local copper. Small for a polis man, he just made the height regulations and he was fat. Food fat rather than drink fat, for Jimmy had no time for the beer. However, Jimmy was also a member of the local dramatic society and had been attending the Wednesday shows to support the judges. That morning, he was on duty when a fax came through from police headquarters to the local station: The FBI had alerted the Irish Police about a man that they wanted to speak to about a murder in New York and had sent through a photo. And Jimmy Fitzsimons was sure it was the stranger that was in the final of the liar competition. He told Johnny about it. 'And what do you expect me to do, Jimmy, make a citizen's arrest! Is it that ya want! me making a fool of meself; why are ya telling me anyways?' Johnny asked. 'Just to let you know that you might have a few visitors for I have informed headquarters.' Jimmy answered as he leaned into the bar counter with a self important smirk and settled his cap on the back of his head. Now, Jimmy Fitz was well known for his investigations. No one took him seriously. He couldn't shoot, hunt, fish or ride, had no driving license and ya'd hear the Honda 50 that he rode around town coming at ya from a mile off. The Country Women's Association solved more local crime than he did just by keeping their eyes open -- and boy, they had sharp eyes! 'I'll tell you what Jimmy,' Johnny said.' You bring in your FBI and your headquarter boys and whoever else ya like, but I'm I'm telling ya now keep me out of it.' 'So. That's all you have to say,' Jimmy said. 'We could have a murderer in our midst and that's all you have to say, and you! a respected member of the community.' 'Well now, Jimmy, it's like this I just pull pints you pull criminals. Tell me again. How many was it that you caught last year? He insisted, but it was to Jimmy's back he was talking for he had left in a huff. # However after Jimmy left, Johnny had a rethink. Maybe he'd been hasty. So he phoned Mick Maguire, one of his adjudicators, who worked for the press and he related the story. Mick was delighted to get a heads-up and told him to leave it with him. Mick phoned around a few of his contacts and had the rumour confirmed, and he phoned Johnny back with the news. 'Jesus, Mick, what will we do at all?' he asked. 'We don't need that type of publicity. Can you believe that that eejit got it right this time out!'