The Humor Mill July 2017 | Page 45

me. I hit the ground hard on my knees. He ran. I did what I could. I used the weapon I had. I yelled after him in a hoarse, frightened, foreign voice, “Asshole!” “Coward!” “ASSHOLE!!” Until I couldn’t yell anymore. The full moon was the only witness. The balmy night wrapped her arms around me and helped me get home to where my roommate held me while I cried and then made me tea and called the police while I cried some more. What does it matter? If he really wanted to hurt me, he could have. I don’t know why he didn’t. I’m thankful he didn’t. I now have to work through interesting panic attacks I’m having when people get too close to me. I’m now having to work on getting across the bridge at night again without hyperventilating. My girlfriends are helping me through it. A new journey has begun. This is …ok. I can let this fear grip me or I can say, What does it matter. Yesterday, I tried a new cafe for my office. Which is where I am right now. Walking into a hip, new cafe to try out as your office is like walking into your new 10th-grade homeroom for the first time. I held my Karlovy Vary film festival book bag close to me as I navigated to my seat. With no alphabetical seating chart to assist, I was on my own. I chose to sit at a long lunch-room, communal type table, opposite a girl with a cool shaved head and a baseball cap. I sort of smiled. She sort of smiled. She returned to her shiny Mac. I pulled out my beat-up HP from 2012 only to discover I hadn’t plugged it in the night before. Battery was low. I needed an outlet. I had to move. Not fun on the first day. Everyone stares when you move. I had to do it. In three trips I moved my laptop, my Karlovy Vary book bag and my pens and pencils to a new table near an outlet. The last trip was to get my coffee. The coffee was in one of those cool glass beakers on a cool wooden tray. I used to be waitress in LA. I decided to carry the cool wood tray and cool glass beaker full of coffee like a waitress. Well. I dropped it. I was never a very good waitress. The coffee seemed to fly in the air and quadruple flop and splash all over me and my light grey tank top and a cute couple nearby until cup and beaker landed in a loud, blustering crash on the trendy, reworked wood-beamed floor. And, just like when you drop your tray in the lunchroom, time stopped. Everyone stared. Thank God I’m an actress. I took a beat. Found my light. Then loudly delivered my sassy line,”Sorry!” I returned today. I look nice. I’m wearing lipstick and a dress that fits. When I walked in, I raised a fist in the air and called out “ještě jednou!” (once again!) to the server who recognized me and we laughed. We all “struggle” to work out our matters. Big and small. Scary and not scary. Hopefully we can remind ourselves that this is living. That this is life. And that’s what matters. Now living in Prague from LA, Peppur (www.peppurchambers.com) is an actor, writer and creator/ performer of Harlem’s Night Cabaret performed by the sultry, sassy, sophisticated and sometimes funny, Brown Betties. Her debut novella, “Harlem’s Awakening” is available on Amazon.com via 1888 Center publishing. She’s also created the award-winning webseries, “The Brown Betties Guide: How to Look for Love In All The Wrong Places” based on her book of the same title. www.brownbetties.com Email her at [email protected] or follow her on Twitter @BrownBettie. But really, go buy Harlem’s Awakening! 45