The Humor Mill April 2015 | Page 50

Mankind's fascination with watches capable of more than simply telling the time is nothing new. But recently, our collective interest in intelligent timepieces has spiked, and we have more and more powerful wrist-worn computers to choose from than ever -- whether made by startups with record-setting Kickstarter campaigns or the biggest names in consumer electronics. Of course, the biggest name of all, Apple, had yet to release one of its own. Well, the Watch has arrived, and its maker has loftier aspirations for it than the smartwatches preceding it. Apple's Watch isn't some utilitarian gadget -- it's jewelry, an object of lust, not only for what it can do, but also for how it looks. I'm not a watch person. Haven't worn one regularly since high school (I'm 33 years old now), and have never been enamored with the likes of Rolex or Longines. But the Apple Watch is, of course, much more than a mere time teller, and the company expects to sell a lot of these things to people like me -- you don't build a $700 billion company selling niche products, after all. The question is: Why would someone like me want one? PROS Finely crafted hardware Strong app support Lots of personalization options Easy-to-use fitness tracking Best smartwatch available CONS Third-party apps can feel sluggish Some users will crave more control over notification Settings Expensive SUMMARY The Watch is the nicest smartwatch available, but it's more status symbol than wearable revolutionary. Most of the Watch's features can be categorized as nice to have (at best) or superfluous (at worst). As such, if you're not enamored with the Watch's appearance, it's probably not compelling enough to buy one. 50 For the uninitiated, there are two sizes (38 or 42mm) and three Watch models: Sport, Watch and Edition. The entry-level Sport model starts at $349 and is made of aluminum, while the high-end Edition starts at $10,000 and is crafted of 18-karat rose or yellow gold. Apple loaned me a 42mm stainless steel Watch model ($549) with a bright, lime green Sport Band ($49 when sold separately) and a Link Bracelet ($449). In keeping with its aspirations to luxury jewelry and with Apple's usual obsessive attention to detail, the Watch case I received is constructed of machined, cold-forged steel polished to a high gloss. Its OLED screen on top and heart rate sensor on the bottom are sheathed in sapphire crystal, a material familiar to any luxe timepiece aficionado. (Note: Sport models make do without the sapphire protection.) The "Digital Crown" on the right edge is machined and polished too, as is the button with an ever-so-slightly chamfered edge alongside it. All of these elements are fitted together perfectly, with uni form gaps and nary a blemish to be found. The result is a watch that looks the part it's been cast to play -- assuming you dig the aesthetics of a rounded rectangle parked on your arm. It's the finest construction of any smartwatch I've seen, and none of the others are particularly close (second place: ASUS ZenWatch). More importantly (for Apple), it doesn't feel ridiculous to compare its build quality to something made by Tag Heuer or Cartier.