By Darryl Litteton
I’ve done a lot of things in my short 73 years on this
planet. I’ve washed cars, sold men’s cloths, ladies
handbags, waterfall candles, vibrating pillows,
security alarm systems, security bars (for people who
didn’t want to buy the alarms), real estate, mortgages
and pens by the gross. I’ve written for radio, TV and
film. I’ve produced for all the mediums, authored
books, traveled the world doing stand-up, lecturing,
mentoring and managed to crank out a couple of
kids along the way. I’m bored.
So I’ve decided to run for president. I know I won’t
win.
That’s the point.
I really don’t want to be
president. I want to be the Vice-President, but you
can’t run for number 2. You have to make it look like
you want to be the big cheese. Make it appear you
can run the world where all you really want is free
housing, a jet and VIP seating at Congressional
gatherings. Let the other sucker worry about opinion
polls. Give me Joe Biden’s job and with me in place
nobody would dare harm old Hillary (and I do mean
old). You think America really wants another black
president? You think anybody black really wants to
be president? That’s why I’ll be a shoe-in because it
doesn’t matter who Hillary h as with her on the ticket.
All I’ve got to do is run so there’s a second place to
pick.
So my paperwork is filed and I’m ready to do
the do. Barack got over on rhetoric and if nothing
else I do have rhetoric.
The Republicans, on the
other hand, have nothing and nobody and a whole
lot of both.
The GOP field this time out is even more laughable
than 2012. In that debacle of a primary season you
had elitists, a coon, several confused senators, a
handful of ignorant governors and a teasing Donald
Trump.
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This time not much has changed (Trump still teases)
with none of the new candidates being anywhere
remotely close to being a friend to the black man.
Not that any past presidential campaigns have
ever dwelled on or vetted that aspect of a
candidates qualifications, but this is the Humor Mill
and should address what’s really important to its
core audience. Do you like niggas?
Let’s start with Jeb Bush. Nobody really wants this
sucker. Nobody. He wasn’t on a secret dream list
anywhere. He‘s merely the best the Establishment
have at the moment, but they want him as much
as they want another go round with Mitt Romney
(who we know is no friend to the black man;
especially the Ivy League one that beat the snot
out of him in 2012) So let’s get it straight - Nobody
wants Jeb Bush. He’s pudgy, a fat head and his last
name is Bush. Now as a comedian I have no
problem with it. I relish the opportunity to poke fun
at another Bush for at least 4 more years. His
brother’s tenure were golden days for humorists
around the globe. Jeb would be just as much fun;
as well as give us the never-thought-of-seriously
opportunity to dust off old jokes about his old
dustier wrinkle-bodied mama and boulder-head
daddy. But the main point is Jeb is no buddy to
Blacks. In 1994 Bush launched an unsuccessful bid
for the Governor's office. He ran that year as a
conservative, and a notable moment in this
campaign was when Bush was asked what he
would do for African Americans if he gets elected,
responding: "It’s time to strive for a society where
there’s equality of opportunity, not equality of
results. So I’m going to answer your question by
saying: probably nothing." Bush lost the election by
only 63,940 votes out of 4,206,076 that were cast for
the major party candidates. He’ll more-than-likely
lose by a close margin to Hillary next year, but lose
he will. And so those laugh-filled future days of
ragging on him and his dysfunctional ass Kennedywannabes- yet-more- successful- on- the- dynastytip family will probably never crystalize.