THEGAYUK WINTER 13 /14
CHRISTMAS
THE ULTIMATE GAY MAN’S
CHRISTMAS SURVIVAL GUIDE
It’s here so you might as well enjoy
By Graham Davies
Christmas is the only time of year where the
whole country gets emotional. Apart from
the Olympics in 2012, remember them?
Of course unlike the Olympics, where
we were quite united in our emotion
of joy when Tom Daley appeared on
screen, and then united in despair
when his trunks stayed on after his
dive, Christmas means different
things to us all.
Ships Come Sailing In on St. George’s Day in
the morning.
2) Buy your gifts online and in
advance.
There is nothing worse than saying to
yourself day in day out ‘I’ve still got time,
another day wont hurt’. Before you know it
it’s the night before Christmas and far too
late to order online (I haven’t found any
company delivering Christmas day, yet!) So
you’re faced with one final option. The
You have the Anti-Christmas folk, Christmas Eve shop. Nothing builds up
those who will lock themselves
anxiety faster than a trip around the local
away indoors with their phones
shopping centre filled with other frantic last
and TV unplugged, screaming
minute buyers grasping at empty shelves.
profanities through the letter
The whole year has built up to this one gift
box at angelic boys who've come you’re going to buy to show a loved one how
to sing Merrily On High to
much you care. Sorry guys but a home
raise a few pennies for Tiny
printed voucher for an online retailer is a
Tim. Then, on the other side of sure way of bringing out the true meaning of
the chocolate coin, you have the word Boxing Day.
the knitted Rudolph
sweater wearing, September 3) Humbugging.
carol singing, bed-wettingly For those of us who don’t enjoy the festive
excited people who generally period of dancing elves and television soaps
are comatose come Christmas that tend to blow something up, be it a
Eve through excitement, then house, pub or whole street, well the trick to
spend the rest of Christmas
still having friends post Christmas is to avoid
crying in the corner of the
the continual Humbugging. After all it’s only
room, wondering why they’ve
for two short months a year. Yes, we do tend
wasted three months of their
to rub the seasonal cheer into the faces of
lives on Christmas instead of
those who wish Santa had fallen off a roof
working to pay their rent.
and broke his neck years ago, however, look
at the flip side. Come the summer we have to
I fall into the latter category. In
sit through those long long sunny days where
some of those instances I might add. two men bat a ball to each other from one
I’ve never knowingly wet the bed!
side of a net to the other. I’m sure this goes
Though I have spent the earlier part on for at least six months and there you all
of my life wondering what I could
are eating strawberries and lapping it