THEGAYUK WINTER 13 /14 Issue 1
COLUMN
BULLYING: MY
EXPERIENCE
!
By Daniel Brown
Bullying is a bit of a sore subject
for me. At the age of 29 I
sometimes still find myself
haunted by past experiences. I
have been on numerous
medications, had therapy, and
even a stint in a rehab facility in an
attempt to ‘get over’ the bullying I
endured in my youth. It’s been a
long and rocky road, and I still
haven’t reached the end.
boys. A word started to get thrown
at me; a word that I had not really
heard before. That word was ‘gay’.
Moving up to secondary school
should have been an exciting time.
However, I was dreading it. I was
aware that most of the kids from
my primary school were going to
the same school. I was scared that
the bullying would continue. That
fear became a reality when rumours
began to spread that I was gay. Of
course their assumption that I was
homosexual turned out to be
correct, but for five years I was
persecuted for it. Taunts during
classes and at break times were
frequent. The mental abuse became
a daily occurrence. I was called all
of the usual homophobic slurs and
On another occasion the same boy, sometimes I would be physically
attacked. Appealing to the teachers
along with a group of his friends,
never achieved anything and I was
managed to pin me up against a
fence in a corn field and tie me to it. often told to be quiet and stop
They then urinated on me and tried making a drama. As time went on I
became more introverted and
to set fire to me. Luckily my sister
eventually fell into a depression. At
came along at just the right time
and distracted the gang. By the age the age of fifteen that depression
deteriorated into bulimia.
of ten I was experiencing serious
mental trauma.
Controlling my food intake and
having the power to make myself
From around the age of eight the
sick afterwards seemed to be the
bullying had also begun at school.
only thing that I had control over at
What started as general namecalling became racist bullying when that time. The situation became
the other kids realised that my Dad worse, the bullying more intense,
and the self-harm continued. At
was white and my Mum was black
sixteen I had my first experience of
(or ‘half-caste’ as some people call
antidepressant medication and
it). I was called a mongrel and the
mental health services.
other kids would say that I didn’t
know if I was black or white. Just
Something else also happened
before leaving primary school the
bullying changed focus again. Some when I was sixteen; something
surprising. The bullying came to an
of the kids in my class had noticed
that all of my friends were girls and end.The day came when I could no
that I did not hang around with the longer handle the bullying. It was a
My experience of bullying began
when I was at primary school. I was
five years old when a boy in my
street started to pick on me. I was
quite a weedy child so guess I was
an easy target. The bullying began
as name calling but as the years
went by it became more physical. I
was hit, kicked, and spat at. The
bullying took a turn for the worse
when I was ten-years-old. One day
the boy picked up a pair of hedge
scissors and tried to cut my head
off. I almost laugh when I recall
that because it seems ridiculous,
but I was terrified at the time.
case of fight or flight, the flight
being to end my life. In a moment
of pure anger I chose fight.
Someone who had previously been
relatively nice to me started calling
me homophobic names so I decided
to confront him. When I did that,
the boy kicked me and called me a
‘f**king poof’. I lost it. I punched
the boy and knocked him off his
chair. I ended up getting suspended
as a consequence of my actions. In
a meeting with my head of year I
explained that I was being
homophobically bullied. That was
brushed it off and said he was ‘not
interested in that kind of thing’. I
was then suspended. The boy who
kicked me and was homophobic
received no punishment.
Upon returning to school, I noticed
that people were leaving me alone.
The name calling and violence
suddenly stopped. At break time a
group of lads came up to me, but
instead of being abused I had my
hand shook and they said that I’m
‘actually not that bad’. I thought it
was completely bizarre that it took
me being violent and sticking up for
myself for the bullying to stop, but
at the same time wished I had done
it years previously.
For years after I was haunted by the
experiences and used mental health
services extensively. Now as a
mental health professional I am
turning my experiences into
something positive. With Push
Projects, the LGBTQ youth
support charity I founded in 2011, I
provide a source of support to
young people that didn’t exist when
I was younger. I have also since
returned to my old secondary
school to discuss my experiences
and work with the