sontinued from page 16
the back of the head, which is called
the oref (in Hebrew, this word has the
same letters as Pharoah). Our little
Pharoah competes and compares,
obsessively monitoring other people’s
looks, grades, clothing, social class,
and economic status. Whoever seems
superior is praised, while others are
exploited, excluded, despised, and
bullied.
CHANA: “As a child, I thought I
was lucky to have a mother who put
so much effort into improving me. To
me, her relentless criticism showed
how much she cared. If I washed
the dishes, she’d snap, ‘I had to wash
everything again because they were
all covered in grease.’ If I expressed an
idea, it was always stupid. I tried so
hard to please her.
“When I was seven, I received
money for my birthday. For the first
time ever, I was so excited to go to a
store on my own and I bought her a
little bracelet. But when I showed it to
her, she said I had wasted the money
and must take it back.
“As an adult, I have so little
confidence that I must call her before
making the smallest decision. And in
social situations, I feel so awkward.
My brain is always racing, thinking
what to say next, how to respond,
trying to act confident, but thinking
that I will surely make a fool of myself
and then they’ll soon discover the
truth – that I’m a worthless fake.”
Spiritual Ramifications
A Mengele mindset is also projected
onto G-d:
NOMI: “I know G-d hates me and
will punish me harshly for every
aveira, like not davening enough,
not having enough kavana, saying
the wrong bracha, not being grateful
enough, not having enough bitachon,
or not being nice enough to others.
I’m sure that after I die, He’ll scream
at me, ‘You’re such a disappointment!
Feature
No one has the power to make me feel
worthless. I am in this world to love.
in this world to love. Hashem cares
about being kind. I am loveable and
worthwhile as I am at this moment.”
Motivate yourself and others
to improve with praise and
encouragement. No humiliations
or putdowns. Cheer your smallest
victories.
The Jewish world was shocked
recently when an exterminator’s
poison destroyed two precious little
girls in Jerusalem. Another deadly
poison comes from the mouth and
mind. It is no coincidence that the
Hebrew word for exterminator is
madbir, which hints at the power of
speech—dibur-- to destroy. May we all
strive to spread love and forgiveness
with our words and our eyes.
You could have been so holy if only
you had been more focused and
tried a bit harder. You had so much
potential, but didn’t even reach a
third of it!’ These thoughts scare me,
making it even harder to daven or
believe that Hashem is proud of me or
loves me.”
Waging the War Against Terror
Given our hyper-critical society, it is
difficult to avoid terrorizing yourself
and others. But the following steps
will minimize this phenomenon:
Unless someone poses a real
danger, shut up your inner judge.
Give people the benefit of the doubt.
Assume that people are doing the
best they can, given their upbringing,
personality, present difficulties and
level of intelligence.
Firmly tell yourself, “No one has the
power to make me feel worthless. I am
Dr. Miriam Adahan can be reached
at 02-586-8201 or emett@netvision.
net.il.
March 7, 2014
33