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sent her a private message, and she told me that there was a whole community of parents in our city that supported their gender fluid, creative, and transgender children. I felt so relieved...we weren’t alone!! Through this group we found an amazing therapist who specialized in helping trans youth, as well as a pediatrician. We now had a team in place that could help us navigate this new and scary journey. All I can say is that the local TRANSparent group has been such a blessing in our family’s life. I have learned so much from them and learned even more from my son about what bravery and compassion look like. It hasn’t been an easy journey, I have lost friends, some family, and yet gained a more open view of the this beautifully diverse world. I look at my son and see his resilience and value all that I learn from him. He has taught me more in his short life, than I ever could. It has also moved me to become a more outspoken advocate for trans youth and their families, especially because I have met so many youths that aren’t supported due to the misinformation and discrimination that transgender people face every day.
Here is what I have learned about being transgender…
THEY are just like you and me. They have dreams, desires, fears, and really hope you never notice them when they are walking past you on the street.
Pronouns matter, and not using them is unkind! Using correct pronouns takes very little effort, so try your best to not mis-gender them. You have been peeing next to them for decades, and those bathroom bills you keep hearing and reading about on the news have been created to target children (because we/parents have to furnish schools with our children’s birth certificate).
- Most importantly, love and support at home and school reduces transgender children’s attempts at suicide by less than 4%.
As for me, this journey has changed me in ways that I am forever grateful for. My husband and I have become the facilitators for our parent support group, and helping new parents find their footing has been the greatest gift I could give, especially considering how much their support helped me. I have also begun volunteering with my local transgender advocacy organization, helping them (along with a fierce group of mothers who just so happen to be incredible educators) create better support training for schools, and teachers as more and more transgender children come out to their parents and communities. I want to show other parents that supporting your child does not have to be scary or overwhelming, and your child’s happiness is the biggest reward. I feel like gender variance doesn’t have to be this big scary thing. We can help create communities where we embrace these differences and learn from each other. And for those of you who read this and say that an eight-year-old child is too young to know whether they are transgender or not…. well, try telling your child that they are not their gender, and see how quickly they will tell you that you are WRONG. That is what happened to me, and having the knowledge, language, support, and tools to help our son has made all the difference in our lives. I hope in sharing my story with you, I can maybe inspire you to open your hearts. Go out and meet new people, or maybe volunteer at your local youth shelter! The reason I say this is because the one thing I know for sure is that: PROXIMITY CHANGES HEARTS! I am a firm believer in this. I guarantee you that if you spent the weekend with my son and I, any negative misconceptions you might have about transgender youth would change…you would see his humanity, and his heart. You would see his joy for life, and his bravery in every giggle, and smile that crosses his face. As a mother, I know that this is his biggest gift! He changed my life, and I am grateful for all that I’ve learned and look forward to the journey that awaits us. I am no longer afraid for what the future holds for him, because he can handle it…WE can handle it! I also know that through proximity, through sharing our stories, more and more people will begin to understand that trans-rights are human rights, and that transgender people deserve dignity and rights to public and private spaces because they are just like you and me. As I have said before, God made us different to challenge us to look past those differences and see each other’s soul. I challenge you to do that…look past the surface and see their soul! I promise you, it will change your life, just like it did mine!
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The Emerald | Winter/Spring 2018