The Conversational Poet Fall 2013 | Page 19

The Celebration My grandmother cried through her laughs and smiles. Her eyes promised him they wouldn't spill. But still, it hurt me to see that... I knew those were grins of pain. I could see it around her eyes, the way each wrinkle groaned as she smiled. She only smiled to be strong for him. She embraces her strength in the open, but behind a closed door, she may break... My father murdered his pain a long time ago, he claimed. On this morning he woke up as if it were a regular day. I could have sworn he was getting ready to go to work; his movements seemed so natural. Yet, denial was the subtle blemish on his face. I never thought I’d see my father so vulnerable. Everyone thought he was taking it well, but I could see the tears he kept wrapped under closed lids. Later on, he may decide to open them. I swallowed my tears. They felt like bullets. It hurt, but the frowns and deep yawns I wore cloaked my pain. I drowned my emotions in a pool of pride... I refused to cry in front of my Grandfather so I had no choice... It was an out of body experience... I saw the past generations of my family all lying together in peace, with the resting place of my grandfather etched in stone... My palms remembered him as they carried his spirit's shell to its eternal bed. The final goodbye. Not one tear did I shed. They lowered him to the mattress Not one tear did I shed. And they tucked him in Not one tear did I shed. I could feel my grandfather’s presence in the air as we passed the land on which he was raised... I saw the streets that that were cratered by his footsteps. I imagined seeing him walking by the countryside, going to meet with Grandma so that he could walk with her to school. His hat blocking the hot sun from hitting his face. He waved as we drove by. I visualized his life from beginning to end. I have seen his history, I know his story. I have experienced his existence. My Granddaddy. What feeling is this that I have? I can't tell. A mixture of emotions that I cannot express through words or expressions. But if I was forced to define the way I feel at this very moment... I would say that I am... Proud. Leomaris