At around 1:00 AM, I realized that the reason we didn't
They finished before I did and hurriedly embarked on
need to stop was because the bus had three drivers -
the bus. The vehicle started to roll off slowly. I
one would sleep in the aisle, while another would drive
increased the pressure to vacate the rest of my urine
and the third would keep him company, then take over
then ran back, hopping on as the bus picked up speed. I
when the driver got tired and rotate out. I looked down
was finally at peace.
at the sleeping driver and in a crazed state of
resentment, thought that I should just pee on him. But
We finally arrived in Hue around 10:00 AM. I relayed
then I didn't want to do anything rash, this being the
my harrowing pee ordeal to my travel mate. He listened
early days of my vacation.
patiently. Then when I completed my tale of woe, his
brow furrowed and said, "Uh, you know there was a
At around 2:00 AM, the bus finally pulled into a
toilet on the bus, right? I mean, it was basically a little
small town. The streets were deserted. I thought,
closet with a toilet and hole, but still..." I could only
"Finally!" I waited for the driver to exclaim, "Thirty
reply, "Duo Ma May..."
minutes!" but that moment never came. After parking
for about ten minutes, the bus continued on its merry
My friend who criticizes my relaxed traveling style
way. I slipped into despair. I thought I was surely going
said that with a little knowledge I could've spared
to die.
myself that craziness. He might be right, I don't really
make solid plans for a number of reasons:
At around 3:00 AM, I feebly asked the driver,
"When... is... next... toilet...?" He castigated me in
1. I used to fly on stand-by tickets. On the upside, they
Vietnamese, so I don't know what he said (a few month
were cheaper and once in a while I got bumped up to
after I got back to the US I told a Vietnamese pal o'
First or Business Class. On the downside, I never really
mine about this story and aped what the driver said
knew when I would be able to catch a flight to my
which sounded like "Dit May" to which my friend said
destination. Once while I was traveling to Madrid I got
he's pretty sure the driver called me a "motherfucker.").
stuck in the Atlanta airport overnight, where I had to
sack out in the unsecured area with the military men
At around 4:00 AM, the bus pulled over at the side of
and vagrants.
the road - and alas! The three drivers disembarked! I
hopped off my bed and ran after them. We were in the
middle of nowhere. Darkness surrounded us. I could
barely make out the rice paddy in front of us. The
drivers were taking a pee! I, in a state of heightened
exultation, relieved myself next to them. I think I heard
a choir of cherubim singing in the celestial sphere. The
bus drivers did a double take when they finally became
aware of me. I gave them a nod and smile.
65
THE CONE - ISSUE #5 - SUMMER 2015