28
how to disappear
on the day you stop loving ghosts
you will learn to fall in love with shadows
instead of the bodies that cast them.
& that's what haunts you the most:
not this shattering choir of loneliness, begging
your jawline for reconciliation; not this
sadness draining the communion wine from your arteries.
or the silence after your body breaks in consummation,
again.
it's the fact that one day you will have nothing to love
but his shadow the man with casket flowers for hair,
who leaves you (silent as) a detonation at night;
the man with minefields for footsteps;
this is not the first time you've fallen in love with Oblivion
&the apocalypse lingering on his breath;
&his warcry that makes olympus tremble;
you've met Him so many times, you'd think
you'd have at least tasted His breath by now
and that was your first mistake:
to beg thin air for a kiss and call it love;
to beg the crisp night sky for sunrise and call it home;
to beg the wind whispering from outside your
bedroom window for a lover’s embrace,
what is love if not something you can dive into?
do you call it love if it isn’t worth ghosting yourself for?