Texoma Living Well Magazine May/June 2018 | Page 26
What Do I Say?
Communicating with a Grieving person
By Kelly Lamkin, LBSW
W
hen you ask someone, “How
are you,” do you really want
them to tell you the honest truth
or are you waiting for the standard an-
swer of “I’m fine”? What if they were
honest and told you that they were
having a bad day? What if they start-
ed to cry? What would you do?
I would stop what I am doing, sit them
down so we are eye to eye, look them
in the eye and give them permission
to get it out. Depending on the situa-
tion, I may hold their hand but no mat-
ter what I make sure I am present with
them in that moment. In order to be
present with a person you give your
undivided attention to them, look them
in the eyes, pay attention, listen, ac-
knowledge what is being said, both
verbally and nonverbally, and don’t
put up any physical barriers between
you and the other person.
When a grieving person is asked that
question, most times they want to bust
out and talk but don’t because of the
thought: “No one has time to listen to
me or they don’t care; they don’t want
to listen to my problems.” It only takes
a few minutes of your time to listen to a
hurting, grieving heart. Wouldn’t you
want someone to listen to you if the
roles were reversed? Those moments
spent with a grieving person can po-
tentially be the most