love you even in the midst of your sin .’” What if they had been there to offer help , asked if she needed a ride , offered resources , shelter , been there to help her out of the abusive relationship ? What if they had said , “ We want to be there for you .” But the message Holly got in those times was that she had killed a baby and they were done with her . “ And I think , we , as Christians are missing an opportunity to love people the way Christ does ; because I know , know that I know , that I know , that He was there with me . He met me at that back door , on the way out . He never left my side , even for a moment . Even during those abortions . He promises that He never leaves us or forsakes us . So that means , He never left my side even in the midst of the most atrocious sin and the most heartbreaking moments . He never left ,” Holly said . “ In reality , if someone would have met me with the love of Christ at that back door . Even at that first abortion , I don ’ t think I ever would have had a second , or a third , or a forth , or a fifth .”
Holly was in an abusive relationship with the man who was selling her and felt special . She didn ’ t realize that by selling her and taking a cut of the pay , it was actually trafficking . One day , Holly found herself on the floor of a public bathroom . Watching her tears hit the floor , she just cried out , “ God help me .” That very night Holly met someone who was 3 years sober and he took her to her first recovery meeting . Holly has been miraculously sober since that day . Holly explains , “ I was ready to die to myself . And I think God loves it when we ’ re ready to die to ourselves , because that ’ s a life He can take and mold completely for His glory .”
Holly knew God had rescued her on that bathroom floor , but still didn ’ t know who God was . So she spent a lot of years seeking God . She read every book that Oprah recommended . She tried yoga , meditation , Buddhism , and looking for God . She never would have considered Christianity , because she would flashback to Christians who weren ’ t very loving to her . In her search , Holly picked up a Bible she had stolen years earlier . She said , “ Okay , God . If you ’ re real , and if you ’ re in here , speak to me .” She opened up the Bible and put her finger inside , and her finger landed on the passage in John 8 where Jesus forgives the adulterous woman . And Holly met Jesus for the first time . She saw God who loved someone in her sin and then loved her out of it !
Holly went on to read the whole Bible . In that time , she was healed of shame and she saw God using people like her all over the Bible . After about a year , Holly went to Israel to be baptized . She didn ’ t know she could go to a church . Holly laughs as she recalls the story . Not knowing any better , she stood on the Jordan bank looking for someone to baptize her . Finally , a Russian orthodox priest , in full attire , agreed to Holly ’ s request .
Holly is thankful for that time . “ The word of God is what transformed me so I know it ’ s alive . I know it ’ s true . I know it works . I know that Jesus lives in it because I met Him in it . There was no person , no church community , or Christian culture that I was being formed or shaped by . It was just the word of God and it was more than enough . In fact , it was better because by the time I got in the Christian community , my identity was already so solidly rooted in who God said I was that I didn ’ t worry about what people thought of me . In fact , when I encounter people who are shocked by my story or upset by my story , or even subconsciously might think , ‘ This person doesn ’ t belong in leadership , or in the church , or in God ’ s kingdom ,’ I ’ m able to stand on the word of God and say , ‘ No ; I know , that He loves me , He saved me , He ’ s transformed me , He wants to use me .’”
Today , Holly dreams of building a ministry that meets people at the other door . She is married to an amazing man who she met in a Bible study . He pursued her from California to Paris . Holly struggled with telling him everything . There was that fear in vulnerability but when she finally revealed her life story , he said to Holly , “ Now I understand where your joy comes from . I ’ ve always seen such joy in you and now I understand that it ’ s , ‘ He who has been forgiven much , loves much .’”
Holly is really passionate about helping others get free of shame . She ’ s had incredible moments with Jesus when He showed her where He was in her past . “ And I love taking people through that work as well because now , when I look back on my past , and look back on those moments , I can ’ t see them without Jesus there ,” Holly said . “ There ’ s no place that ’ s too dark for Him . He wants to redeem all of it .”
Learn more about Holly at www . hollychristinehayes . com . Find Holly ’ s candle line at www . farmhouseliving . com .