Texoma Living Well Magazine May/June 2018 - Page 40

Make Your Relationship By Georgia Smith-Lyle, MA, LPC-S In the March 2018 issue of Living Well Magazine, communicating effectively was the topic in Part 1 of Make Your Relationship Healthy. Communicating effectively sets the stage for trust and validates each other, enriching deeper connection. It is the foundational tool for a healthy relationship. The focus of Part 2 is the basic needs and wants of a woman and how she thinks. I love watching the face of a man change during a couples counseling session when understanding of how “she thinks, and what she needs and wants” becomes as clear as the sky is blue! At the core of a woman’s heart she wants to know she is beautiful and adored, understood and valuable, safe and secure. Before I specifically discuss each of these basic needs, knowing how a woman thinks and processes is insightful. How she thinks and processes: Women can carry on a full conversation starting with one point, finish that specific point, change to another subject and in the trail of conversation bring the initial topic up again. Men usually think the topic has already been discussed and resolved. If a woman does not have complete closure, she can hold the topic in her mind and easily bring it up again. The mind of a woman also has “pop ups.” Pop-ups are those thoughts that seem to appear or pop-up in the middle of a conversation. That’s why she can change the subject in mid-stream while talking about another subject. This is the way a woman’s mind was created. She can multitask even in her thinking quite easily. She seems to think more like a spaghetti strand as opposed to very linear like a waffle with boundaries (men think like a waffle which I’ll talk about in a future article). Nurturing is her basic nature and in order to nurture others well, her thoughts are often in many directions when caring for others. This explains why she is able to have a multitask way of processing her thoughts. Healthy: Part 2 Is she beautiful and adored?: Most women, no matter how confident or how beautiful, always want the reassurance they are still beautiful and adored by their admirer. This is not because of insecurity - it is simply a need. It is the way she is created. A wise man will continue to reassure his loved one consistently of the way he sees her… beautiful! One way to reassure her of your adoration is to “always pursue her.” Many men stop pursuing once they marry the treasure they have found. Women don’t seem to understand when pursuing stops and it sends the message they are not adored as before. Men, continue the pursuing and the affirmation of your adoration for her. It will make her feel beautiful and adored. Is she understood and valuable?: When a woman is discussing something, she wants to know you understand her thoughts and feelings. There may be a problem to solve which she is trying to find the solution to. Unless she asks for a solution, then all she needs is understanding. Men are problem solvers and they want to solve any problem. But sometimes they just need to be a good listener and understand. A woman also needs to know her thoughts and ideas are important, as well as her life purpose whatever it may be. Uplifting and validating her worth as a person, and what she accomplishes makes her feel valuable. Is she safe and secure?: Emotional security is highly important to a woman. Some women count emotional security as more important than financial security. Spending quality time with her and fostering emotional security and connection is fundamental for her. She feels safe when she knows you have her back and will help her in any situation as much as you possibly can. Feeling safe for her also means she can express her deepest fears, insecurities and thoughts and yet be understood and validated. I hope you have enjoyed learning a little about the needs and wants of a woman and the way she thinks. This is of course not all inclusive and does not fit every woman. However, it does apply to the majority and is a good place to start for healthy relationships. Georgia Smith-Lyle, MA, LPC-S is in private practice as a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Texas providing counseling for children, adolescents, adults, marriage and family. She has authored two books and a public speaker. Georgia may be reached at 469-855-0256 or via email gpsmith7@aol.com. www.couselingbygeorgia.com. 40 TEXOMA AREA Living Well Magazine | MAY/JUNE 2018 Make Your Relationship I Healthy: Part 2 By Georgia Smith-Lyle, MA, LPC-S n the March 2018 issue of Living Well Magazine, com- municating effectively was the topic in Part 1 of Make Your Relationship Healthy. Communicating effectively sets the stage for trust and validates each other, enrich- ing deeper connection. It is the foundational tool for a healthy relationship. The focus of Part 2 is the basic needs and wants of a woman and how she thinks. I love watching the face of a man change during a couples counseling session when understanding of how “she thinks, and what she needs and wants” becomes as clear as the sky is blue! At the core of a woman’s heart she wants to know she is beautiful and adored, understood and valuable, safe and secure. Before I specifically discuss each of these basic needs, knowing how a woman thinks and processes is insightful. How she thinks and processes: Women can carry on a full conversation starting with one point, finish that specific point, change to another subject and in the trail of conversation bring the initial topic up again. 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