Synaesthesia Magazine Hush-Hush | Page 58

“ Every day felt the same. I hated it so much natural gift and it was what I should do. But I just wasn’t happy with it. Every day felt the same. I hated it so much.’ I found myself warming to Xiaofan more and more. She was so brave, and so young – for someone with travel anxiety (me!), I couldn’t help but admire her. But it wasn’t a big deal for her. She retains a sense of girlish animation when she tells me, ‘it was my first time going abroad, and I was very excited!’ Arriving in Singapore, Xiaofan had accommodation on campus waiting for her during undergraduate study. It was a long, four-year course, but she finished it in three and a half years, spending half a year in Canada on an exchange programme. By the sound of it, not only was she a commendable student (she gained first class honours), but she had also caught the travel bug. ‘I have always been very good at studying,’ she says. ‘But honestly, I never really cared about it. Deep down in my heart, I always knew it wasn’t what I really wanted from life.’ Her secret, at this point, was still not entirely apparent to her, but an inkling of doubt had crept in. Ready to burst After completing her degree, Xiaofan got a job as a research engineer with her university, and continued to study – eventually studying for a PhD. But halfway through, her doubts had become too strong. She knew it was not the career she wanted, and so she spoke with her professor. This was a difficult conversation to have, but thankfully, her professor was supportive, and they both agreed that she should not continue with her degree. Instead, she graduated with masters. I was curious to know whether or not Xiaofan had been painting for leisure at this stage in her studies. Had she been selling paintings, and was inundated by their popularity? Had it been a constant sideline hobby that she knew was more important to her? I was surprised