transparency is closure for them,
and emotional freedom and
fresh socks for you.
SET A STANDARD OF SELF-
WORTH RIGHT FROM THE
GET-GO
Buying a Hugo Boss sweater
because you want your partner
to like you: $330. Being
confident and respecting your
own self-worth: priceless.
You don’t shop collect
coupons for Nordstrom, so
don’t discount yourself in any
aspect of your life – especially
within relationships. When you
disobey your self-worth, you
set a precedence for ‘unhealthy
love’ because you’re willing to
self-sabotage in order to get
love. Then, that person, even if
without intending to, will keep
pushing the boundaries because
you didn't have the strength to
enforce them yourself.
You become more
predisposed to this
breakdown of self-worth in
your relationships when your
desire for a relationship comes
from a place of “need,” when
you’re looking for someone
to complete you. This is why
being secure in who you are,
what you want in life and what
you know you deserve from a
romantic partner helps create
a precedence for ‘healthy love’.
Your love comes from a place
of “want,” where you look for
a partner to elevate you rather
than complete you.
'FULL-DISCLOSURE’ VS.
‘SELECTIVE DISCLOSURE’ (OR:
LEARNING HOW TO RUMBLE)
We’ve all heard that couple
fighting through the apartment
wall, but when you've seen
them in person, they seem
totally healthy and well-
balanced. That’s likely because
they’ve learned how to fight –
and not just so that they have
make-up sex.
There’s this great
misconception that you have
a healthy relationship because
you never fight. While fighting
too much can be a sign of
a toxic relationship, so is a
relationship where you don’t
fight at all.
You may never fight because
you both fear smashing the
foundations of your relationship
(plus a few of your nice plates
and vases). Or maybe it’s
because you’re both conflict-
avoidant, silently tip-toeing
around your relationship issues
and pretending that neither of
you see the increasingly large
elephant in the room. You’re
passive people, or even worse,
you fear that your relationship
won’t be able to withstand
confrontation.
The best couples do, in
fact, fight. They just fight
quickly and effectively. They
face confrontation head on
because they understand that
disagreements are another way
to strengthen their relationship.
Furthermore, fighting disrupts
complacency and breeds more
honest communication, which
leads to better understanding
and newfound layers of intimacy.
The truth is that sometimes
you need to be willing to lose
your relationship in order to
make it better. Your greatest
amount of freedom in your life
doesn’t come from being single,
but rather when we find a
relationship that adheres to the
mantra ‘brutal truth’.
HEALTHY LOVE IS BORN OUT
OF MUTUAL RESPECT FOR
ONE ANOTHER
Ever notice how couples
who seem the happiest – the
kind you want to invite out for a
night on the town - always have
high praise for one another?
Sure, all those compliments
might induce an eye-roll or
two from others – but they’re
probably just jealous. Now
think of that couple you duck
around a corner to avoid when
you see them coming down the
street. They’re probably always
bitching about each other for
mundane reasons – like how
they let their laundry fester in
the closet a little too long, or
how their breathing is so loud.
The way you treat your
partner in public is something
that sets the tone for the
energy between you as a
couple even in private, and
establishes the degree of
respect between you.
It has been proven that
couples with a negative
“relationship energy” are
constantly in “fight or flight”
mode around one another. They
are on edge in each other’s
presence, something that
happens when mutual respect
and admiration for one another
gets broken.
RESPECT YOUR INTUITION
AND HONOUR YOUR TRUTH
This is the most important
rule in setting love boundaries
for yourself: owning your truth
and being 100% honest with
yourself.
One of the most common
mistakes people make, and
the most common reason why
people continue to be unhappy
in their romantic lives, is because
they ignore their intuition and
get into relationships that go
against their inner truth. Those
who are happiest and have the
least amount of drama in their
romantic lives (in both dating
and relationships) have learned
to listen to their inner truth.
Think of it like having an angel
on one shoulder, a devil on the
other; while they might bicker
and make you crazy sometimes,
these little dudes will steer you
right –as long as you get good
at listening to and trusting
what they say. When something
doesn’t feel right, address it,
and treat it, or remove it from
your life altogether, before it has
a chance to grow into a tumor
and spread until your entire
mental and emotional well being
becomes toxic.
This freedom boundary is
something you only achieve
when there’s a mutual
understanding that you’re only
with one another on account
that you have 100% of each
other’s hearts. It’s a boundary
that requires courage in
order to love each other
selflessly, with one another’s
best interest at heart. This
commitment to freedom within
the relationship allows you to
be brutally honest with each
other because you know that
you do not own each other,
but being with each other is a
choice, a choice you continue
to make every single day.
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