6
TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU WILL DEFINITELY
MEET AT A RESORT
BY AMI KAPILEVICH
ILLUSTRATIONS BY GAVIN THOMPSON
1
The tickets are
booked. The bags
are packed. You’ve
been staring at the
pamphlets for so long
they’ve begun to
infiltrate your dreams.
One last thing before
you set off; here’s
a handy guide to
the people you’ll
encounter at every
resort.
52 // MAKE MEMORIES FOR LIFE
1. THE PARENT
To be clear: not every person who is at
the resort with children falls into this
category. Some people can lie on the
beach while their little angel keeps herself
occupied for hours with a bucket and
spade in the shade of a palm tree. Some
children prefer to spend all their time at
the kiddies’ club. But The Parent is not
so lucky. The first thing you will notice
about The Parent is the noise and mess
that emanates in a five-metre radius from
this beleaguered, badgered soul. The
Parent is trapped in a maelstrom of wet
towels, half-empty takeaway containers,
plastic bottles and regret. They haven’t
slept a full eight hours since 2008,
they’ve remortgaged their home loan
to afford this holiday because of
an unspoken Facebook snapshot
competition with their neighbours
and they have more than one
contagious rash. But the strangest
thing about The Parent? They
wouldn’t have it any other way.
Overhear them say: “Take that off your
sister’s head right this instant!”
How to befriend them: Play with their
children. It will only cost 30 seconds of
your time to bend down and say hello to
the snivelling toddler, but it will earn you
the undying gratitude of The Parent for
the rest of your stay.