Emerging into the light
Sitting in total darkness, waiting for the light to flash. I know the general direction from when it will come, but I don't know exactly when. But i have to be prepared for the illumination. There's a wind machine too, it's hard to be blown around in the dark but I know the end result will be worth it. My dear friend creative artist and talented photographer Kat Debruin (Known as ShutterKat Photography) uses only a single speed light for this shoot. Kat has shot me many times, I feel totally safe in hands. We aim to create a low-key portrait series, where the colors pop.
Click. Flash! The light pops, the butterflies take to the wind.
This describes on e of the most interesting, challenging and fun photoshoots I've ever done. But it also serves as a metaphor for my lifetime health challenges. I've had poor health my whole life with a good deal of diseases and conditions, but nothing I can't handle. Until February 2004, when my old life ended. I'm sitting on my couch talking to my then boyfriend. All of a sudden I get a stabbing pain. It feels like I am being shot, stabbed or whipped in the head. I have 100s of thes
of these stabbing pains a day for the next twelve years without pause. My eyesight goes in and out the whole time. I end up dropping out of two PhD programs. I couldn't drive, bend over at all, or turn my head quickly as it causes something like seizures, which happen numerous but unpredictable times a day. I am in pain every single day of my life, ranging from mild, to crippling and incapacitating. The nausea, dizziness and imbalance start to become the real problem though; every second of every day for 12 years I am 85% close to vomiting and fainting.
We go to every neurologist we can think of including The Mayo Clinic in Minnesota twice, and a head pain clinic in Michigan twice. I am almost diagnosed with many diseases: Arterial Sclerosis, Lupus, Idiopathic Stabbing Headache, Exploding Head Syndrome, Trigeminal Neuralgia and every kind of idiopathic migraine under the sun. None are right and i fight and kick and scream for over a decade. I was put on
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