I know what a pit feels like because I felt alone.
I know what a pit feels like because I was vulnerable.
I know what a pit feels like because I never gave myself a second chance.
I know what a pit feels like because I believed that I wasn’t good enough.
I know what a pit feels like because I chose FEAR over FAITH.
You don’t have to be in a pit anymore.
My pit is a distant memory now, but it made me into this woman writing to you now. I couldn’t have been here without that painful experience. My pit revealed a side to me that I didn’t know I had. It opened up a part of me that I thought only ‘others’ had. My wakeup call was when I became pregnant, just being separated from my first husband. This was not planned, and it definitely wasn’t on my 'To Do List'. Just knowing the shame it would bring on my family, I couldn’t accept what I was faced with.
The father of the child was an unlikely candidate; he was not text book! His background was unstable and he was not privileged to many things, including complete schooling, but somehow this man made my heart race every time I saw him. We connected by the mere fact of seeing ourselves in each other. We were judged and convicted by opinions of others which we refused to take as our reality.
I tried everything to terminate the life that was inside me. I drank, smoked from bible pages, walked in front of cars, fell down the stairs and never went to a doctor. All of this time, he watched me, never judged me and stayed by my side.
I had many breakdowns, but this one in particular was the rock bottom, the last straw, the darkest of the pit. I was 7 months pregnant and I felt movement, never so strong before. As I looked down to my stomach I saw a hand run across it from left to right. I jumped! I couldn’t believe there was still life in me after all I had done.
I tightly closed my eyes and thought it was just a ‘one time thing’. But then I felt it again. This time it was a slower movement.
I looked down, and 4 fingers and a thumb was pushing up against my belly. It was unreal! I saw the hand actually imprinting, and pressing on my stomach lining. I had an urge to touch the reality.
I slowly reached out and I touched the fingers and it pressed back.
HE
T
P
IT
By: Genielle Hall-Blondell
18