“ You are breaking and entering ,” he sneered .
“ I am not breaking and I am not entering . As the door can see , I am standing in the vestibule talking to you civilly ,” I said as I placed my big toe over Liam ’ s door plate and , hence , within his apartment . .
“ You are breaking and entering . And , furthermore , Android said that you reported us to the police for being terrorists or spies .”
“ If the shoe fits , wear it ,” I said stomping with my Muldoon-Fats apartment ensconced toe for emphasis . Wong Foo suddenly appeared and joined the verbal barrage .
“ There is one of me and two of you . I am not screaming at you . Can one of you please talk to me one at a time and quietly .”
“ Get your husband to come join you and yell too ,” suggested Wong Foo . “ I ’ m calling the police .”
“ Go right ahead . I am not doing anything illegal . Your air conditioner is disturbing me ,” I said while moving my toe back in the vestibule .
“ We can put the compressor on the roof . It will cost ten thousand dollars ,” offered Liam .
“ In the face of your ridiculous song and dance , I curse you in the manner of the Fiddler on the Roof dream scene .” The elevator opened . Two police officers appeared .
“ Officers , we have a problem . These people are making me want to live in Anatevka ,” I explained . “ Anatevka ?” they asked . “ Yes . Anatevka . Anatevka . I wish that Anatevka were my home . They don ’ t have air conditioners there .”
After listening to me and to the Muldoon- Fats , the police chastised us all for acting like children and left . Two days later , Cruella told the co-op ’ s lawyer to send a threatening letter to me . And then it was time for the annual shareholders ’ meeting .
What do to ? Pepe advised me to attend , keep my mouth shut , and act like a normal person . Following his advice would be very difficult . I have never shut my mouth and acted normal . But , knowing that Pepe was right , I decided to go to the meeting in a disguise . I stood in front of him while wearing the short black wig I wore when I ambushed Liam in the mail room . “ You look like an idiot ,” said Pepe . I went back to the drawing board . What could I wear that at once looked normal , over the top , and not at all like me ? Then I remembered the perfect outfit : the six inch Zara heels and the skin tight short front zippered Eli Tahari dress I scored at a clothing swap . No person on Earth ( or any planet in the universe )— and that includes the Muldoon-Fats ’ door and air conditioners -- had ever seen me wearing heels and a tight dress . I spent five minutes stuffing my body into the dress . Even though I never show my breasts in public , I pulled down the zipper to reveal cleavage . Body successfully encased with breast tops in full view , I put on the heels and stumbled into the living room .
“ What do you think ?” I asked the change averse Pepe . “ It ’ s not you . I don ’ t like it .” “ Good-bye . I ’ m going to the meeting .” The shareholders , who had never seen me wearing anything other than normcore clothes , gasped .
“ You look so hot ,” said a female yuppie who obviously appreciated my slut outfit more than Pepe did . I did not reply . Keeping my mouth shut was on the evening ’ s agenda . I took my seat . Gaston Parapluieberg suddenly appeared with finger pointed . “ Do not say anything . Liam and Wong Foo ’ s lawyer is here .”
I nodded in gratitude . Gomorrah began the meeting .
“ Achtung . We will have no co-op board elections . There is no democracy in this