that might be listening , to imbue her pitiful tissue with whatever diseased power her usual tonsiloliths seemed to have . She went to bed , hopeful .
It worked better than she ’ d expected . The crumpled tissue soaked up filth like a sponge and mixed with the bacteria that had started to infest her ravaged and infected tonsils . After three days , the clump had hardened and doubled in size . It was black with blood , but marbled with streaks and clumps of the usual pale green stinking calcification .
Carrie smeared the mass between her fingers , the thick stench almost choking her . As soon as she was done , reeling with relief , she set to crumpling up new tissue wads , one for each side . After wedging the first , she thought back to her silent prayer . She flattened out the second wad of tissue , pulled her pen from her pocket and wrote “ thanks ” on it in tiny letters . She drew a tiny inverted pentagram , tearing the thin material as she did . When she crumpled this one up , the ink had smeared through and it looked slightly greasy . As she poked it deep into the crypt of her tonsil cave , she thought about blood poisoning , infections , scarring , about all the things that could go wrong because of this . Then she thought fuck it , and went to bed .
That night she dreamt that the corruption in her tonsil was hungry , that the tissue she ’ d been feeding it was a start , but that it was not enough . It was as if she was feeling a new kind of need , an alien need . It was as strong as thirst , hunger or lust , like the need to breath . It was like the need to escape she ’ d always felt in response to the revulsion , but it had taken the form of a hunger . She woke in a cold sweat , the feeling slowly slipping away .
Days went by in a blur . Two or three times a week she would stuff her tonsils , then removed the infected , pus laden clots when they were ready . She started to think of her throat as a hungry friend who she was feeding , and in return it was cleansing her and helping her cope with the grotesque memories that she ’ d been fighting for so long . She prepared corpses as they came into the parlor , chewed gum to hide her vile breath when she met with mourners , and still called her mother once a week .
One evening , as she was finishing her ramen noodles , a spider scuttled out from under the fridge . It was massive , black and faster than it had any business being . She crushed it with a book then scraped it off with a paper towel . As she did , she felt a shiver of revulsion pass through her , and a terrible idea came to her . That ’ s what it ’ s about , really , she thought . Revulsion . When it was her own self inflicted revulsion , stemming from something that she could control , it helped her deal with the waves of revulsion she ’ d always felt . Just then , she was struck by that same sense of need in the back of her throat , that hunger . Without thinking about it , indulging entirely in the disgust , she wiped the guts and thick long legs with her finger , reached into her mouth and squeezed the mess into her tonsil . Carrie almost vomited . Her whole body was wracked with shudders so violent they were almost orgasmic .
Her back arched as she fought the urge to get the horrible mass out of her . She held it there , mild and nutty sweetness seeping into her mouth . She swallowed , clenching her abdominal muscles to prevent the waves of reverse peristalsis . Then , as the rushing urge to regurgitate passed , she was filled with calm and satisfaction . She felt in complete control . A few days later , when she went to purge the spider , she could see that it was built up and swollen to the point that it was stretching her translucent pink flesh . She could see the finger-like legs encased in pale paste . She decided to leave this one a little longer to see how it developed .
For several days , as she enjoyed the tight throb of swollen meat in her throat , Carrie considered other ways she could indulge the hunger for disgust . She ruptured a deep , solid blackhead on her forehead . Gagging , she added the wormlike tube of pus to the growing knob of purulent pus in her tonsil . Her breath worsened daily , and she often felt feverish , but she felt a comfortable insulation from her emotions and , more importantly , the revulsion . She said silent , hateful prayers to the void as she packed more vile substances into herself . Carrie ’ s throat was swelling to the extent that it became difficult to speak . Steve asked if she wanted to take a week off , but she refused . He told her to keep to the preparation room , which she thought of as the lab , whenever there were mourners around , and he kept his distance in case she was contagious . This isolation in the lab created the space for the final addition to the mass that was growing into the back of her mouth .
It was three in the afternoon when Steve and Morris , another employee , wheeled in another body . Carrie was waiting for embalming fluid to fill the veins of an elderly woman on the stainless steel operating table and tinkering with the makeup on a middle aged man on the changing table . Three in a day was busy , but Carrie didn ’ t mind . She enjoyed her work .
Steve left the body in her care , went upstairs and began to close up . Carrie was to stay late , long enough until the new body was cleaned and embalmed . She finished on Mrs . Parker , used the hydraulic lift to hoist her on to a changing table , then shifted the new guy onto the operating table . Everybody moves one space , Carrie thought , like musical chairs . Until somebody gets buried .
She eyed the man on the table . He was young , overweight but not obese . He was wearing the clothes he ’ d died in : grey jogging pants , an off white tee shirt and one sock . Looking at him , Alice felt the familiar hunger in her gullet , the craving for the grotesque . She thought of Bill , what he had done to her . She knew with knife edge clarity that she had stumbled onto the most profound source of revulsion she ever would . Before she could second guess her idea , before the horror could grasp her and force her away , she acted . Carrie tugged the waistband down over the corpses crotch and took him into her mouth . His penis was cold , small and vile . Her entire body was urging her to vomit , to run , to scream at the shame and disgust she felt . The fluids that the body was no longer holding to itself leaked slowly into the back of her mouth , a cold and sour mix of dead semen , icy urine and blood . She could smell the fecal