Charlie Willett , my old partner slash mentor when I was on the carnival circuit , used to say that a man who can do cold readings will never starve . I didn ’ t realize how right he was until after the Donohue séance , but the Donohue séance convinced me to give up cold readings forever . Starvation ’ s not the worst thing that can happen to a person .
What ’ s a cold reading ? It ’ s a mentalist ’ s bread and butter . It ’ s a system for tricking the hopeful and gullible into believing that you can see inside their souls . There ’ s a million ways to pull it off , and each operator puts their own twist on it , but the gist of it is that you start off by saying things that are true about everyone , and then you watch your mark real hard to figure out what he wants you to say next .
I ’ ll give you an example . This is how Charlie used to do readings when we first started working together . Charlie was on stage in a tuxedo and tails , with his hair pomaded into a glistening , impenetrable ebony dome , and his fierce , dark eyes ringed with black . I was his lovely assistant , strutting my stuff in a purple cocktail dress . I stood by the barker ’ s side before the show , supplementing his pitch with some old-fashioned sex appeal and collecting the dimes . Half of the dimes went into the kitty . The other half I stored inside a hollowed-out book , where Charlie couldn ’ t drink them away . I think Charlie knew that I was holding out on him , and that it was for his own damn good .
“ Ladies and gentlemen ,” Charlie said . “ You are here today to witness an experiment in piercing the veil between the worlds of the living and the deceased .” He didn ’ t speak too loud but he had a resonant voice that carried . More than that , when he spoke , people went quiet to listen . Charlie picked up attention like a magnet picks up nails .
“ My name is Dr . Franklin Illumina . For years I studied parapsychology at Harvard University , the finest school in the world . I was obsessed with proving that Professor Einstein ’ s scientific revelations about the nature of time and space relate to the spiritual teachings of those Oriental swamis who preach the immortality of the soul . Through rigorous study and training I learned to attune the electric energy of my brain waves to the vibrational energies of the great beyond , and communicate directly with the spirits of those long dead . But when academia proved too rigid and hidebound to appreciate my discoveries , I decided to travel the country to share my research with the common people . My friends , as a scientist , I ask only that you keep an open mind . If you are willing to suspend your skepticism and approach the unknown with a sense of wonder , then tonight you will witness a feat so extraordinary that most men think it impossible . But first , I must beg your silence , as I prepare to make contact .”
He closed his eyes and crossed his hands and bowed his head as if in prayer . “ Ommmmmm ,” he hummed . “ Ommmmmm . Ommmmmm .” Then he bowed his head as if in prayer . “ Ommmmmm ,” he hummed . “ Ommmmmm . Ommmmmm .” Then he paused for a moment , a carefully calculated moment just long enough for the audience to get a little bit antsy .
“ I sense a spirit amongst us !” he shouted , shattering the tension he ’ d built , with his eyes rolled all the way back in his skull . “ She ’ s whispering her name . It ’ s very faint – she ’ s so near to us , but so far away – but yes , I can hear . . . it starts with an M . Margaret , perhaps ? Has anyone here lost a loved one named Margaret ? A mother , or a grandmother perhaps ?”
Charlie usually started his shows by calling on a spirit named Margaret . I never did find out why he was so fond of that particular name . Perhaps he was chasing a ghost of his own . But it was as good a name for our purposes as any other . The laws of probability dictate that in any good-sized crowd there ’ ll likely be somebody who ’ s lost a friend or relation named Margaret , and if not , then someone ’ s bound to chime in on behalf of a Martha or a Mary or a Margot or suchlike .
“ You , sir , I sense that the spirit is calling out to speak with you !” Charlie proclaimed to the most promising-looking volunteer . “ Please , let my lovely assistant Teresa escort you to the stage .” While I led the mark up , Charlie studied him like a specimen under a microscope . He assessed his age , his weight , his clothes , his gait , if there was a wedding ring on his hand , if there was a lodge ring on his hand , if there were calluses on his hands , what kind of shoes he was wearing , what shape his shoes were in , how he acted when a pretty girl in a skimpy dress took him by the hand , whether he was anxious , whether he was used to public speaking , and about a dozen other things as well , all in the time it took him to walk across the tent . Charlie could read a person by sight like a mechanic picking out cars by their make and build .
Let ’ s say the mark was a young hayseed in overalls with a wedding band , a common enough type amongst carnival-goers . “ Young man , what is your name ?” Charlie asked .
The answer to this question , of course , was different every time .“ I ’ m Mark ,” the mark might say , and sometimes he ’ d slip out a few more valuable tidbits about himself by way of introduction .
“ Mark , I sense the presence of a spirit who wishes to speak with you very badly . But even I can only hear the spirit world in whispers and echoes . I ’ ll need your aid in order to interpret the message . Will you help me ?” This appeal got the mark some skin in the game . Now he wasn ’ t just an audience member , he was committed to helping us out . And if Charlie got something wrong , well , maybe it was the helper ’ s fault and not his own .
“ Now , Margaret , she was your mother ?” Charlie asked questions like they were statements so if the answer