“ Don ’ t call me that ,” I snapped . It had been cute once , but it had lost all of its appeal now . “ And you don ’ t get to decide what I do or don ’ t do . I mean , I certainly didn ’ t get to decide whether or not you did that bimbo at the gas station , did I ?”
Jake began walking around the room , and I knew immediately what he was doing besides just ignoring my question . He liked to pretend that he knew how to be handy , but he couldn ’ t fix a leaky faucet . He made his way around the room until he was standing by the wall I was working on and bounced up and down on the carpet . “ The floors are soft . You can ’ t stay here , Fee .” I wanted to cry because I knew he was right . This apartment was a miserable little slum . It was probably cold during the winter and blasting hot in the summer . There was no dishwasher and no place for a washer and dryer set . I wasn ’ t even certain if I ’ d be able to run the microwave and the television at the same time . There were eighteen-yearolds in college that were living better than I would be . But I couldn ’ t tell him that , because he would only use it as an excuse to talk me into coming home with him . I jutted out my chin and slung my rag through the bucket of soapy water again . “ I like it here .” “ No , you don ’ t .” He put his arm around me and kissed the side of my neck . I shoved him aside with my free hand . “ Leave me alone , Jake .”
“ C ’ mon , baby . I ’ ve missed you . I miss what we used to be .” He had me in both of his arms now , and I could feel the length of his body pressed against mine . I pushed at him , but he was too strong . “ You know you missed me too , Fee . We were good together .”
Being with him like that made me want to crawl out of my skin and leave it in a puddle on the floor just as long as I could get away from him . But as that wasn ’ t an option , I slapped him with the wet rag that was still in my right hand . It splatted dirty water across his cheek , and I took great pleasure from the brown drops that ran down into the collar of his faded black t-shirt .
“ Uh ! You bitch !” He instantly let go of me and wiped furiously at his face . “ What ’ d you do that for ?”
I didn ’ t answer him , but stood with my rag at the ready to swat at him again . It wasn ’ t that much of a threat , but it was all I really had at the moment . My cell phone was in the kitchen on the complete opposite end of the house , and I didn ’ t know if my neighbors would hear me if I screamed . I would have to introduce myself to them at some point .
Jake finally retreated out of the bedroom and was almost to the door . He suddenly stopped and turned around .
“ You know what ?” His finger was in the air , and he snarled as he pointed it at me . “ This was all your fault anyway . If you weren ’ t such a crazy bitch , you wouldn ’ t be living in this hellhole !” He burst out the door and slammed it behind him . His feet in his heavy boots banged against the stair treads , making the staircase sound as though it was going to fall off the side of the house . His car door slammed his tires squealed , and he was gone .
With a heavy sigh , I sagged against the dirty wall . I couldn ’ t have gotten any filthier than he had already made me feel .
* * *
I remained jumpy for over an hour after Jake left . I was convinced that every car that went by had to be him coming back to have it out with me once again . The little altercation from earlier was nothing compared to the knock-down drag-outs that prompted me to move out , but I was ready for it to be done with . My friends told me that eventually he would get over it and leave me alone , but I needed it to be right now .
Eventually , though , the sun sank behind the skeletal remains of the oak and maple trees that surrounded the house ; their twisted limbs reaching desperately for the mellow orange of the sky behind them . I slipped outside to make sure my car was locked , glancing around nervously to see if anyone was watching . The few leaves that were still falling made softs rustling noises as they joined their brethren on the ground , making my nerves twitch with ferocity . I happily retreated back up the stairs to my “ new ” apartment .
I locked the door and flicked on the lights , no longer able to see with just the open windows . The incandescent bulbs cast a yellowed pallor on the rooms , as though the age of the house could not be erased with a bucket of bleach water and a small flat screen television perched on the side table in the living room . With nothing better to do , I wandered from room to room and back again . I could have called my mother to invite her over , but I didn ’ t want her to see this place until it looked at least slightly less like a complete dump . Or I could