Street Peeper Zimbabwe Street Peeper September 2017 | Page 9

We are in the month that the princess
of the people lost her life. She was a
beauty that had captured the world but
most of us have the question mark that
was it the affair. Maybe she could have
been alive today? Why maybe if they
had worked out on their infidelity with
Prince Charles it would be a different
story.
Some view infidelity as sexual inter-
course outside the relationship and
therefore may not consider emotional
affairs to be cheating. However, this
type of infidelity may be more detri-
mental to a relationship than physical
infidelity, as an emotional affair might
indicate that the partner committing
the infideli ty is no longer invested in
the relationship. It can be helpful for
partners in a relationship to discuss
their views and expectations around
monogamy and relationships outside
of the primary relationship early in
their relationship to avoid future dis-
agreements or transgressions.
Therapy for Infidelity
The manner in which couples recover
from infidelity will depend in large
part on their cultural background and
their personal or religious values sur-
rounding infidelity.Many couples pur-
sue therapy to determine whether or
not to continue the relationship after
an affair and to process their feelings
surrounding the incident.
A therapist can serve as a supportive
listener as each partner expresses his
or her emotions regarding the infidel-
ity and can help the couple determine
their needs and future goals for the
relationship, whether they choose to
maintain or end it. If the couple wishes
to maintain the relationship, a thera-
pist can assist them by helping each
partner discover his or her level of
commitment to the relationship, teach-
ing the partners skills for repairing
trust , and guiding the couple through
the process of healing.
A therapist can also help clarify the
true nature of the relationship by en-
couraging an open evaluation of the
relationship’s strengths and weak-
nesses. If unhealthy patterns exist,
such as codependency , emotional
abuse , or repeated affairs, the thera-
pist may call these into question. In
addition, therapy can help those peo-
ple who feel they are to blame for the
infidelity of their partners to work
through those feelings and obtain new
perspectives.
vengeful, and hopeless. This phase is
often a roller coaster of emotions,
ranging from loss and grief to rage and
frustration, and can be accompanied
by bouts of tears or conflict. Both part-
ners struggle with thinking clearly dur-
When a couple decides to end the rela- ing this phase, and both may experi-
tionship, a therapist can still be of as-
ence physical symptoms such as loss of
sistance to both parties. The partner
appetite and weight loss.
who was betrayed may find it benefi-
cial to discuss his or her feelings of
Issues Clarification: It is during this
inadequacy, betrayal, and anger , and a time that couples begin to examine
therapist can also assist in helping him what led to the affair. Although there is
or her cope with the trauma of the loss still a great deal of emotional instabil-
of a partner. The partner who commit- ity, partners want to understand why
ted the infidelity may feel regret and
the affair happened. The sooner cou-
wish to understand what caused him
ples can begin this process, the sooner
or her to pursue an affair. If the indi-
they can reap the rewards of closure.
vidual had an affair after realizing the Enlisting the help of a therapist may be
relationship was not satisfying, for ex- helpful during this time, which may be
ample, a therapist can help him or her psychologically stressful to one or both
determine ways to communicate feel- partners.
ings of dissatisfaction more effectively
so that he or she does not repeat the
behavior.
Addressing the Problem: This is
when the real work begins. As emo-
tions become more manageable,
Recovery, should a couple choose to
spouses can tackle the difficult task
maintain a relationship after infidelity,
of working on the issues that led to
can be a lengthy process. Although
the affair. There will be highs and
there are no steadfast rules for deter-
mining how quickly or whether a cou- lows as guilt and anger become
ple will recover from an affair, experts mixed with longing for the relation-
ship as it once was, but couples
agree that healing can often occur
within two years, though some couples who persevere through this phase
may take longer to fully recover, while will often be able to finally address
others can repair their relationship
the issues that are at the root of
sooner. Again, there is no concrete
much of their discontent.
The Recovery Process
timeline for recovery, and the length of
time recovery takes is often directly
Next, couples can embrace the new
related to what happens immediately
relationship they have created. Af-
after the affair is discovered.
ter working with a therapist, cou-
ples will likely have stronger, more
genuine bonds. It may still be diffi-
cult for the betrayed partner to
trust the other, and both partners
may still experience difficulty un-
derstanding why the affair hap-
, and attachment style. Just as each re-
lationship is distinct from another, the pened and accepting that the previ-
ous life they knew has been
process of recovering from infidelity
changed forever. But by practicing
will vary from one couple to another.
Recovery typically progresses through techniques learned in therapy, cou-
the following phases:
ples can continue to develop an
open, honest, and new relationship,
Trauma Phase: Following discovery,
free of the encumbrances of the
the betrayed partner may experience
affair.
shock and significant emotional
Other factors that influence the recov-
ery process include each partner's
communication skills, tolerance for
conflict, capacity for honesty, accep-
tance of personal responsibility
trauma as a result of finding out about
the affair. He or she may feel angry ,