I C E P R OV I D E RS & PA
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T I P S FOR ED
RESPONDING TO TEEN DATING VIOLENCE
DO’S AND DON’TS WITH TEENS: POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE RESPONSES
Positive Responses
• “Nothing that you did, or didn’t do, makes it okay for
someone to hurt you” (validate and believe, provide support)
• “He/she is responsible for this, not you...” (hold the abusive
partner accountable)
• “I am glad that you told me. You did the right thing.”
• “What can I do to help? How can I help you feel safer?”
• “If you need some time to sit and think for a second, that’s
fine.” (silence is okay – give her/him time to process)
• “I am proud of you for speaking out. You are so
strong/brave.” (empower, strengthen)
• “It is okay to cry. It is okay to feel sad/angry/scared.”
(encourage expression or feelings and emotional responses)
• “I am here to support you. You know what’s best for you and
it’s my job to help.” (make decisions together and empower
rather than assert authority)
• “What I can do is...What I can’t do is...Our school policy
is...” (be open and honest about your role)
Negative Responses
• “This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t...” or “Why
didn’t you...” (victim blaming, making assumptions)
• “There’s no way that he/she would...I don’t believe you.”
(denial)
• “Well at least he/she didn’t...It doesn’t sound that bad.”
(minimize)
• “This sounds like a private matter. I have to call your parents
to help you.”
• “I promise this will never happen again. I will make sure of
it.” (DO NOT make false promises, even if you mean well)
• “Just forget it ever happened. You have to figure out a way
to make this work.” (disregarding the abuse)
• “This is all my fault/your parent’s fault. How could no one
have seen this?” (hold abusive partner accountable)
• “What a jerk! How could he/she do that to you?”