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I C E P R OV I D E RS & PA V R E S , S R O T A C U R E N TS T I P S FOR ED RESPONDING TO TEEN DATING VIOLENCE HOW TO START THE DIALOGUE: DEVELOPING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS • Keep an open environment – Be available to listen and provide opportunities for discussion. If it’s hard for you to talk about, imagine how scared he/she might be. • Assess your own values – Make sure that you are in a place to be non-judgmental and open. Don’t let your beliefs get in the way of helping a teen at risk. • Teach assertiveness, not aggressiveness – Conflict is inevitable, so encourage empowerment and good boundaries. • Give your undivided attention – When the opportunity presents itself, focus your energy and attention on the teen’s needs. • Understand the questions and answer them honestly – Make sure your conversations meet the goals of the students, not just your goals as the educator/adult. Honest answers are important. You aren’t doing any favors by withholding the facts. • Talk often – The more dating violence is discussed, the easier it is for a teen to talk about it. Incorporate the concepts of equality, cultural violence and abuse whenever it makes sense in order to remove the stigma. • Talk about the facts and myths (good and bad) of dating relationships – Teens shouldn’t feel apprehensive about dating by knowing the facts. Be honest about the topic so that their confusion is reduced and they’re ready for a healthy part of adolescent development. • Talk with teens on their level – Be willing to use examples/refer to what they know (i.e. current media, books, music) and even use yourself. Show them that you can connect and understand. • Training and education – Make sure that you and the entire school staff are aware/educated on the issues, and be prepared beforehand so that you will be ready to respond safely and appropriately. Awareness-raising should be ongoing. • Emphasize a culture of respect and equality – Create a school environment of mutual respect, equality for everyone, and problem solving/ conflict resolution. Make sure it is known that violence and disrespect will not be tolerated. WHAT TO DO IF A TEEN DISCLOSES AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP • • • • • • • Remain calm Discuss CONFIDENTIALITY and its limitations LISTEN and BELIEVE – this may be the first time that he/she has ever told anyone Remember that he/she will be affected by your reactions – this can determine if he/she opens up more or shuts down Be aware of the school’s response policy and be honest with him/her Focus on the needs that he/she describes Provide referrals to area service providers (see teen committee list and resources) • • • • • Avoid judgment or making assumptions Validate that student’s experiences, reassure him/her that the abuse is not his/her fault and confirm that he/she did the right thing by coming to an adult to share the painful secret Allow him/her to guide the conversation – remember that silence is okay Encourage the teen to use his/her own resources for support (family, friends, teachers, counselors, coaches) Explore options to address the situation (victim services – both mental and physical health, legal system, school involvement) ADVICE FOR PARENTS Perhaps the best advice for parents is to start talking about what constitutes a healthy, respectful relationship early on with your child. Sharing the warning signs of teen dating abuse with your child and saying, “If you know someone who’s experiencing something like this, let’s talk about it – let’s talk about how you can be a good friend and help them stay safe.” Please assure your child that they are not to blame for an unhealthy relationship, and that you are available to help them be safe and happy. Please avail yourself of the many resources available on teen dating abuse for youth and adults. LAKE COUNTY STATE’S ATTORNEY’S OFFICE • 2012 26 3 community outreach - Teen Dating Violence: Parent/Teacher/Community Resources PARENT/TEACHER/COMMUNITY