I C E P R OV I D E RS & PA
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RESPONDING TO TEEN DATING VIOLENCE
HOW TO START THE DIALOGUE: DEVELOPING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
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Keep an open environment – Be available to listen and
provide opportunities for discussion. If it’s hard for you to
talk about, imagine how scared he/she might be.
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Assess your own values – Make sure that you are in a place
to be non-judgmental and open. Don’t let your beliefs get in
the way of helping a teen at risk.
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Teach assertiveness, not aggressiveness – Conflict is
inevitable, so encourage empowerment and good
boundaries.
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Give your undivided attention – When the opportunity
presents itself, focus your energy and attention on the teen’s
needs.
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Understand the questions and answer them honestly –
Make sure your conversations meet the goals of the
students, not just your goals as the educator/adult. Honest
answers are important. You aren’t doing any favors by
withholding the facts.
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Talk often – The more dating violence is discussed, the
easier it is for a teen to talk about it. Incorporate the
concepts of equality, cultural violence and abuse whenever it
makes sense in order to remove the stigma.
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Talk about the facts and myths (good and bad) of dating
relationships – Teens shouldn’t feel apprehensive about
dating by knowing the facts. Be honest about the topic so
that their confusion is reduced and they’re ready for a
healthy part of adolescent development.
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Talk with teens on their level – Be willing to use
examples/refer to what they know (i.e. current media, books,
music) and even use yourself. Show them that you can
connect and understand.
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Training and education – Make sure that you and the entire
school staff are aware/educated on the issues, and be
prepared beforehand so that you will be ready to respond
safely and appropriately. Awareness-raising should be ongoing.
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Emphasize a culture of respect and equality – Create a
school environment of mutual respect, equality for everyone,
and problem solving/ conflict resolution. Make sure it is
known that violence and disrespect will not be tolerated.
WHAT TO DO IF A TEEN DISCLOSES AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
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Remain calm
Discuss CONFIDENTIALITY and its limitations
LISTEN and BELIEVE – this may be the first time that he/she
has ever told anyone
Remember that he/she will be affected by your reactions –
this can determine if he/she opens up more or shuts down
Be aware of the school’s response policy and be honest with
him/her
Focus on the needs that he/she describes
Provide referrals to area service providers (see teen
committee list and resources)
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Avoid judgment or making assumptions
Validate that student’s experiences, reassure him/her that the
abuse is not his/her fault and confirm that he/she did the
right thing by coming to an adult to share the painful secret
Allow him/her to guide the conversation – remember that
silence is okay
Encourage the teen to use his/her own resources for support
(family, friends, teachers, counselors, coaches)
Explore options to address the situation (victim services –
both mental and physical health, legal system, school
involvement)
ADVICE FOR PARENTS
Perhaps the best advice for parents is to start talking about what constitutes a healthy, respectful relationship early on with your child.
Sharing the warning signs of teen dating abuse with your child and saying, “If you know someone who’s experiencing something like
this, let’s talk about it – let’s talk about how you can be a good friend and help them stay safe.” Please assure your child that they are
not to blame for an unhealthy relationship, and that you are available to help them be safe and happy. Please avail yourself of the
many resources available on teen dating abuse for youth and adults.
LAKE COUNTY STATE’S ATTORNEY’S OFFICE • 2012
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community outreach - Teen Dating Violence: Parent/Teacher/Community Resources
PARENT/TEACHER/COMMUNITY