Walking with those who are suffering
Walking with those who are suffering
Vic Ritchie
“ Why , my soul , are you downcast ?” Recently at HUB , two leaders shared their experiences of being downcast : one through the despair of depression , the other in an ongoing struggle with obsessive compulsive disorder ( OCD ). As they told us about the challenges they ’ d faced , both related how thankful they were for good friends who ’ d helped them in the midst of their struggles . Three things struck me – and I hope they ’ ll be helpful for all of us as we try to help others in the future .
1 . “ I ’ m fine ” Whilst really feeling for the two leaders in their struggles , many HUBsters were also relieved to hear that other Christians – even leaders ! – have had struggles which affected them emotionally , physically and spiritually . It ’ s easy to get the impression on a Sunday that , whilst some people are a bit too busy and everyone , without exception , is tired , essentially … everyone is fine . But we know that can ’ t really be true ! The Bible tells us that every part of our lives is infected and affected by sin . Everyone is struggling with something to a greater or lesser degree . And for these two leaders , being honest about their struggles with close Christian friends enabled them to start receiving the help that they needed .
I often find it hard to ask for help . But if we can help one another to be honest when we ’ re struggling , we can stop despairing by ourselves and really can start to bear one another ’ s burdens ( Galatians 6:2 ), making use of God ’ s great gift of fellow Christians . Gently ask some questions if you think there ’ s something wrong : are you really OK ? Have you been feeling like this for some time ? How ’ s it affecting you generally ? Have you talked to anyone else about this ?
2 . Look to their interests Once we discover that our friend is really struggling with something , the temptation might be to step back and do nothing – it ’ s too messy and hard to get involved . In Philippians 2:3-4 , Christians are encouraged to not just be interested in the lives of fellow believers , but to get actively involved : “… in humility value others above yourselves , not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others .” Christians are to seek ways in which we can lovingly help our friends to stand firm in their faith until Jesus returns . So when our friends are struggling , how can we “ look to their interests ”? This is what the friends of the two HUB leaders did :
They offered emotional support and practical help . Struggling people often feel very isolated , so looking to their interests might mean sending a text saying , “ How are you doing today ?”, reminding them they ’ re not alone . We can try to see them regularly , making a definite offer ( e . g . “ When can I pop in ?” rather than “ We should meet up sometime ”) and asking , “ What can I practically do to help ? Shopping ? Pick your kids up ? Watch TV with you ?”
They took time simply to listen . I like to have immediate solutions to everyone ’ s problems . But often this is just because it makes me feel good – furthering my interests , not those of my friends . Serving my struggling friends often means listening to them for an extended time with a genuine desire to understand their struggles .
They showed them Jesus . This is what the two HUB leaders found most helpful : whilst their friends couldn ’ t fix their problems , they kept gently redirecting their eyes from their problems to their loving Saviour , reminding them that nothing is too hard or too much for Jesus . So , as well as listening to them , we can look to our friends ’ interests by encouraging them to keep loving the Lord Jesus , perhaps reading a short passage from one of the gospels together and chatting about what it shows about him . We ’ ve seen in HUB this term that the Psalms give us big , reassuring , unchanging truths about God . A friend who struggles to know if she ’ s really a Christian loves to be reminded that no one who takes refuge in the Lord will be condemned ( Psalm 34:22 ). Another friend , facing an unwanted future of being single , clings to a truth someone showed her : that God ’ s goodness and love will follow her throughout life ( Psalm 23:6 ). We can pray these things for our friends and encourage them to keep telling these truths to their souls .
3 . A long walk In an age of instant everything , we ’ ll have to fight the temptation to drift away from our friends when they don ’ t respond immediately to God ’ s truths and our care . The HUB leader who ’ d been depressed mentioned a friend who ’ d read the Bible with her , cooked her dinner and done her washing up every Thursday night for six months . Six months ! At times our friends may not respond well to our efforts , and we ’ ll inevitably get things wrong . But we need not despair : along the way , drawing in others can really help , and in a church the size of StAG there will be lots of wisdom to be gained if you ask your small group or older Christians for advice . And as we remember the Lord ’ s perseverance with us and love for us , we can find joy in serving him and growing more like him even in a very long walk alongside a struggling friend .
“ This is how we know what love is : Jesus Christ laid down his life for us . And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters .” ( 1 John 3:16 )
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