(in that Mass Murder Kinda Way)
The Countess
The tale of Hungarian Countess Báthory
(Julie Delpy, who also directs) infamously
rumoured to have been the first vampire.
This is the documented account of how
she was, in fact, more Snow White’s Evil
Queen than Count Dracula.
Splice
Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley are
geneticists who manage to splice
together a petri-dish pet daughter for
themselves, and raise her in a barn. As
she matures, they discover she may be
more creature than sugar and spice.
Then Adrien Brody actually does what
we were all thinking, but really hoped
he wouldn’t. Yoh.
Fatal Attraction
Michael Douglas shags Glenn Close.
He realizes she’s more handsome than
he is. He stops. So she kills his bunny.
Single White Female
Jennifer Jason Leigh wants to be
Bridget Fonda. I don’t know why either.
The Last Supper
Shallow Grave
Ewan McGregor, a loveable asshole,
and his flatmates are very selective
about who they allow to live with
them. Hugo seems perfect. Until he
is found dead, Seurat-style, in his silk
sheets with a suitcase of cash under
the bed. They decide to keep it. Then
they all go a little cray-cray. Basic rule
of thumb: if it comes down to drawing
straws for who gets to hack up the
body; it’s probably a bad idea.
Hostel
Delicatessen
Post-apocalyptic French Cuisine: when times
are tough, hack up your neighbours and serve
them as stew. Disturbingly delicious.
Hannibal
Okay, the movie itself is a far cry from the
multi-Oscared Silence of the Lambs, but Ray
Liotta thought it was delicious.
Backpac king across Europe sounds
like a great idea; especially when
you’ve been made privy to a discreet
hostel by a guy that saves your ass
from street thugs and promises the
availability of beautiful women.
Right? Not if you’ve ever thought
of the anatomical necessity of your
Achilles tendons.
106
You know that awkward moment when
someone pisses you off at dinner, so you bury
them in the garden… Yeah, me too. This late
90’s indie is still every bit as appetizing.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Catching your own food as not taught by the
Cub Scouts of (Middle) America.
Don’t bother with the 2013 remake. The
original is just that; original. Still every bit
as disturbing, it set the standard for the
backwater slasher.
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