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felt safe, loved and connected. When that part of my life had shifted, keep in mind this is something that I wanted and longed for.
That shift left me feeling very unstable, unsafe and vulnerable to what was next for me.
More importantly that huge AHA moment is that I NEVER took the time to create that love/connection from within.
I happily got it from outside of myself, and the illusion of self-love was just that, a total lie. When you realize that the self-love connection is missing, it feels like a total separation of your soul.
I had never experienced this type of occurrence, so naturally a struggle had to ensue. Being fully in my raw honesty, it felt like dying, it was very painful to the core of my being.
Shifting Into Surrender
Surrender is letting go of control in a way that is graceful. There was nothing
graceful about the emotional drama I created in that first two months of selling my business.
Trust me, there AIN'T no grace in crying on the floor at 3 AM. Transformation is like, I'm a little baby trying to find my grown-up legs and walk right. JEEZE! When I owned my business,
I had total control of the outcomes and my own success, that takes a ton of work. There are a lot of levers to push and pull every day.
I always made it work and invested a lot of time in love/connections during those years.
Going from controlling all aspects of your life to a place of surrender means holding space where you have no control and allow the universe to wink and give you gentle tugs. Like this blog I am writing.
A gentle tug from the universe said, talk about your story. Tell it! Everyone kept saying to me, that I had to let go of my business, but that was not the hard part. It was letting go of control.
That is the real truth. I must let go of control of my whole life to see what magical things align for me.
Surrender is going to be about listening to the sound of my own inner being, looking for the winks from the universe. All I ask, is how may I serve?
It is time to find a way to reconnect with myself as a healer and a teacher. Those two aspects are always true and authentic to who I am, I know that.