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It amazes me just how long I have been able to craft a life that looked pretty solid. I mean seriously, I had the positive vibe, some nice mantras and even daily affirmations.
All to remind myself that I was in such a great space within. Certainly, others could come to me for advice, I was practically a friggen yogi, so sure it all made sense.
The raw truth is, that I was great at giving advice because that meant, I didn't have to peek inside my own bull crap. Well until, I decided to take a huge leap in life just for the fun of it. I decided to chase my dream of being an online entrepreneur.
I mean really, I was already successful and knew how to continue being so. So, when I decided to walk away from that success, I found out, there a was a bit of a journey or perhaps a detour to go through first.
Transformation is not for weenies, I mean it. Although, at the beginning, I was being a great big baby weenie crying on the kitchen floor for over a month, but hey, don't judge. One day I sat at the kitchen table with my lunch, a super delicious vegan butternut soup, that I love and my favorite chia seed corn chips on the side.
As I began to uncontrollably weep, I remembered thinking, I am sure that the soup is not bad. Ah man, what is this crap coming through. I worried and hyper focused on small issues, so much worry drama. I would focus on some concern and the same thoughts would cycle over and over. Depression, anxiety attacks, all sorts of emotions.
The waves would leave me lost and super confused as to why this was unraveling within me. I was telling one of my dear friends that my idea of letting go was like a very large lady falling down a escalator, as she attempts to grab at the sides which there are none. In slow motion with eyes bulging and mouth gaped open in total horror continues the descent to the bottom.
As she takes a deep breath and realizes nothing is broken, her shoe lace slips into the escalator. Pretty much that is my version of letting shit go. I am no Elsa, and I wish I was.
Do you remember the movie, Gremlins? When you make a big leap in life like I did, it is like all the gremlins in your mind are being fed after midnight? Suddenly you are seeing total gremlin chaos, this is your limiting mindset hammering you over the head with total FEAR to put you back into your old comfy life where you knew what to expect.
GREMLINS do not like change. There is no guarantee in uncertainty, so just know this is par for the course sometimes. Something beautiful and magical is still around the corner.
It has been a couple months now, I had time to continue the transformation of my entire being. I am learning so much. First and foremost, confession time. I had sold a business to create a new one online, it has been my dream for such a long time.
What I had to realize was how much love/connection relationships were tied to my business and that those connections were a huge part of how I