MATCH
I woke up as I did every morning; making sure I got out on the left side of my bed and
putting on both slippers at once. Having taken fourteen steps to the bathroom, I used
exactly four millilitres of toothpaste prepared the night before at 10:25 to brush my teeth
with 280 circular motions and 90 horizontal brushes. I then proceeded to get dressed into
my uniform, the whole process consisting of 32 actions.
When I buy things, I buy them almost always in pairs, from the bed in my bedroom and
the chair window blinds to the replacement aglets for my shoes. As you can imagine
this poses a significant problem for me both logistically and financially. I struggle to buy
double of everything I have and it pains me that I do not have two cars. I arrange the
doubles as a mirror image in my (perfectly symmetrical) house, this means I have half the
space available but I find that more comfortable than having to live with a situation that
makes my insides churn. Leading into my house through a perfect semi-circular stone slab
drive are two identical, undecorated cast-iron gates. I made sure there was 512 stone slabs
all perpendicular to or facing north.
Floorboards of solid oak lay like soldiers of one army, each rigidly sticking to their given
positions fitting perfectly with no excess. All 625 of them. The walls were covered with a
thin layer of sky blue paint, applied in a single stroke from the ceiling, leading your eyes
downwards continuously downwards to the 121 meters of subtle skirting board, riddled
with 729 needle-like nails; ornaments of necessity.
There is not one mirror in my house. My electric hobs have a dull ceramic covering, all the
cutlery I have are either made of dull metal or plastic, I have my screen displaying a white
background when they are not in use, even my widows are sheathed in a tin matte finish.
In fact, there are almost no reflective surfaces in my house at all; just the way I like it.
When I have to go out,(e.g. for work) I steer well clear of bodies of water, cars, people
wearing sunglasses and I never take the tube, anything refective. They are the bane of my
existence because from within them resides my loathful, lposides, crooked, asymmetrical
reflection.
It stares back at me with my mismatched eyes; sneers at me with my mismatched teeth
covered by my mismatched lips.
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