Signs to look for CONTINUES
may try to keep her from working or
going to school.
6. BLAMES OTHERS FOR
PROBLEMS. If he is chronically
unemployed, someone is always doing
him wrong or out to get him. He may
make mistakes and then blame the
women for upsetting him and keeping
him from concentrating on the task at
hand. He may tell the woman she is at
fault for virtually anything that goes
wrong in his life.
7. BLAMES OTHERS FOR FEELINGS.
The abuser may tell his partner "you
make me mad," "you 're hurting me
by not doing what I want you to do,"
or "I can't help being angry ." He is
the one who makes the decision about
what he thinks or feels, but he will
use these feelings to manipulate his
partner. Harder to catch are claims,
"you make me happy," or "you control
how I feel.”
8. HYPERSENSITIVITY. An abuser is
easily insulted, claiming his feelings
are "hurt," when in actuality he is
angry or taking the slightest setback
as a personal attack. He will "rant
and rave" about the injustice of things
that have happened, things that are
just a part of living (for example,
being asked to work late, getting a
traffic ticket, being asked to help with
chores, or being told some behavior is
annoying).
9. CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR
CHILDREN. Abusers may punish
animals brutally or be insensitive
to their pain or suffering. An abuser
may expect children to be capable of
things beyond their abilities (punishes
a 2-year old for wetting a diaper). He
may tease children or young brothers
and sisters until they cry. He may
not want children to eat at the table
or may expect them to be kept in
their rooms when he is home. Studies
indicate that about 60% of men who
physically abuse their partners also
abuse their children.
10. "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE IN
SEX. An abuser may enjoy throwing
the woman down or holding her
down during sex. He may want to act
out fantasies during sex where the
woman is helpless. He is letting his
partner know that the idea of rape is
exciting. He may show little concern
about whether the woman wants to
have sex and uses sulking or anger to
manipulate her into compliance. He
may begin having sex with the woman
while she is sleeping or demand sex
when she is ill or tired.
11. VERBAL ABUSE. In addition to
saying things that are intentionally
meant to be cruel and hurtful, verbal
abuse is also apparent in the abuser's
degrading of his partner, cursing her,
and belittling her accomplishments.
The abuser tells her she is stupid
and unable to function without him.
This may involve waking her up to
verbally abuse her or not letting her
go to sleep.
12. RIGID SEX ROLES. The abuser
expects his partner to serve him. He
may even say the woman must stay
at home and obey in all things-even
acts that are criminal in nature. The
abuser sees women as inferior to men,
responsible for menial tasks, and
unable to be a whole person without a
relationship.
13. DR. JEKYL/MR. HYDE
PERSONALITY. Many women are
confused by the abuser's sudden
changes in mood. She may think
he has some sort of mental problem
because one minute he's agreeable, the
next he's exploding. Explosiveness
and moodiness are typical of men who
beat their partners. These behaviors
are related to other characteristics,
such as hypersensitivity.
14. PAST BATTERING. The abuser
may say he has hit women in the past,
but blame them for the abuse ('~hey
made me do it"). The women may hear
from relatives or ex-partners that he
is abusive. A batterer will abuse any
woman he is with if the relationship
lasts long enough for the violence to
begin~ situational circumstances do
not make one's personality abusive.
15. THREATS OF VIOLENCE. This
includes any threat of physical force
meant to control the partner: "I'll slap
your mouth off," "1'11 kill you," "I'll
break your neck." Most people do not
threaten their partners~ abusers will
try to excuse their threats by saying
"everybody talks like that."
16. BREAKING OR STRIKING
OBJECTS. Breaking loved possessions
is used as a punishment, but mostly to
terrorize the woman
into submission.
The abuser may
beat on the table
with his fist, or
throw objects
around or near his
partner. Again,
this is remarkable
behavior. Not
only is this a
sign of extreme
immaturity, but
there is great
danger when
someone thinks
he has the right to
punish or frighten
his partner.
17. ANY FORCE
DURING AN
ARGUMENT. This
may involve the
abuser's holding
the woman
down, physically
restraining her from
leaving the room,
or any pushing or
shoving. He may
hold his partner
against the wall,
telling her "You're
going to listen to
me!"
Source: http://www.
nccadv.org/dv_
information.htm
www.spectacularmag.com | September 2014 | SPECTACULAR MAGAZINE
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