Early Days
More generally, it is important to be kind to yourself and not to lose sight of your own needs or blame yourself if you are finding things difficult. And if you feeling down and distressed, do not suffer alone; speak to your family and friends to get their support. If you are concerned you may be suffering from depression, talk to your health visitor or GP to see what help is on offer.
There are many gains to enjoy in becoming a mother, and these normally become more apparent as things get easier. After peaking at around six to eight weeks, crying usually lessens and by around three months sleep patterns are generally more predictable. Babies become more responsive, and the first smiles, coos and giggles are often a turning point in how rewarding motherhood feels (although different women relish different stages of mothering, and, for some, motherhood only really becomes enjoyable once the baby phase has passed).
There are many changes and challenges involved in becoming a mother. In dealing with them, there is much we can learn about ourselves and our capabilities. The reserves of strength and love required are enormous. Becoming – and actually feeling like – a mother is a huge personal achievement which takes time. As Paula Nicolson puts it:
“You return to the person you once were – with added value…Your experience has become integrated into your life and the way you conduct your relationships and you know more about yourself and your powers. We may mourn what we have lost and left behind but we are more in command of what lies ahead.”
Help and support
Please see page 52 for contact details of organizations that can offer support and help if you are a new parent dealing with feelings of loss or just need someone to talk to for emotional and practical support.
Association for Post-Natal Illness (www.apni.org). Helpline: 0207 386 0868 (10am-2pm)
Cry-sis (www.cry-sis.org.uk). Help and support for parents of excessively crying, sleepless and demanding babies. Helpline: 08451 228 669 (open 7 days a week 9am-10pm)
NCT helpline: 0300 330 0700 for practical and emotional support on pregnancy, birth and early parenthood staffed by qualified NCT practitioners and breastfeeding counsellors. The Shared Experiences line is staffed by trained volunteers who have gone through the same experience
Losing it?
Cont.