What path to take after having a baby can be very clear for some women, whether that is to go back to work or stay at home. But for many women, there can be much anguish involved in deciding what to do. The writer Susan Maushart has likened it to feeling like a “hapless game-show contestant” who has chosen the wrong door.
Part of the problem is that you can feel like you are missing out whatever you choose to do. On time with your baby, if you are going back to work, on your career and own income if you are staying at home. Going part-time can feel like you get less of all of these things. There can also be practical difficulties such as a long commute, a work role that involves long hours and/or lots of travel, as well finding suitable childcare. And, of course, money is often a key factor. For some families, the mother’s salary is essential, for others, the cost of childcare wipes out much of what she earns (and for some both can apply).
There are pros and cons to every path. In the potential plus column for work is mental stimulation, adult company, financial independence, regaining your work persona, feeling competent, having structure to your day, having some time to yourself and appreciating the time you do have with your baby. The minuses can include missing your baby, guilt, worrying about not doing a good job at home or at work, feeling stressed, fretting about missing milestones, and having doubts about being able to do your job properly (particularly if you are going back part time). The cost of childcare is usually another negative (although there is some help available, more details here: www.childcarechoices.gov.uk). If you have a partner, you should deduct the cost from both your salaries when calculating the financial impact. Some women also find it helps to think in terms of an investment for the future.
Assuming that it is a viable option financially, many of the pluses of staying at home are the mirror image of the minuses of going back to work. So for instance being with your baby, not having to worry about someone else looking after them and avoiding the stress of balancing home and work. It can also be an opportunity to take time out of the workplace to think about embarking on a new career. On the negative side of the ledger are worries about work skills becoming out of date, being financially vulnerable and a fear of feeling bored and/or isolated. Stay at home parents can struggle with loneliness and it is important to find ways to build and maintain connections with others.
RETURN TO WORK OR STAY AT HOME? choosing the right path for you
Clapham NCT Postnatal Practitioner Alex Bollen considers some of the key issues