REDEFINING PERSONAL ACHIEVEMENT
I missed my friends and colleagues. I felt jealous of my husband going off to work, with the stimulation and control that that brings. But slowly I got used to daily life with a baby, and started to build a network of mums and groups I could go to. I established more of a routine, which helped me get out and about and meet friends. And when I had my daughter a couple of years later, things were so much easier as I already had those friendships around me. And as time has gone on, I have enjoyed my children more and more as they have grown and become more interesting. I love meeting my son’s latestLego creation with ridiculous enthusiasm, or cheering my daughter on as she learns to scoot and ride her bike. I have learned to slow my life down, to enjoy the precious intricacies of the day, to readjust my expectation of success, and realise that just being with my children is hugely worthwhile. Of course there are still moments where I would like to bang my head against a wall. But then there are the gems that will last forever in my memory- like the other day, when we ended up doing an impromptu nature trail, and I watched my children watch in awe as they saw parakeets, woodpeckers and squirrels in the peace and the stillness of the sunset.
Almost five years later and I feel much more confident about my decision and my future. I can say that, for me, being at home has not been easier than going back to work. It’s the relentlessness of the 24/7 that I struggle with most. But It is also worth remembering that we don’t necessarily know what is going on in the lives of mothers who seem to be on top of everything. You may admire the well-groomed mother in a local café but inside she could be feeling like she is falling to pieces given the time again, I would not change my decision for the world. My son has started school this year and it has made me realise again how quickly the time goes and how fast they grown up. It’s been a privilege and joy having the chance to immerse myself in my children’s lives and be totally available for all the little moments. I know that for our family it was the right choice. There are so many factors that go into childcare decisions, and no-one should feel judged for the decisions they make. But that cuts both ways: I have learnt to stop apologising for deciding to stay at home. It doesn’t make me less of a person. I have realised we are more than what we do.