Sonder: Youth Mental Health Stories of Struggle & Strength | Page 24

THE GRASS IS GREENER WHERE YOU WATER IT CONT.
I visited her everyday. After school, going to see her was my
priority. One day, I walked in her room, and she was sitting up.
I could barely move, the only thing I managed to do was smile.
Was my grandma going to live? Was she okay now? Can we take
her home? All these thoughts swarmed around in my head I
looked at her at her tired eyes. Even though my grandma knew
she was sick, she still had her warming smile, and loving touch
that made you safe. When I gave her a hug, it felt like she was
letting go. Her hands were so warm on my back, and the light
grip she made was making me realize she was letting go. I tried
to push that idea out of my head. I did not want to accept the
fact my grandma wanted to go to heaven. A place where I know
she would be safe. A place I trusted as a good home. I knew she
was going to be okay, but I wasn't ready to let go, even when she
was ready to go home.
My grandma was up and talking for about a week. Family flew in
and hopes were up. If this pattern kept improving, she was going
to go home. Not back to home on earth, but home with God.
The week of her talking and giving out her love, was her way of
saying goodbye. I knew that was the reality of it all. I really did
not want to believe it though.
Soon after that week of goodbyes, my grandma went into
full organ failure. She was transferred to the I.C.U. After that
happened, I started to miss school days. Seeing her like that,
flipped over on her side, made me cry. She looked so peaceful,
her eyelids resting on her eyes. She was just barely breathing,
and when she was, the tube made it sound like wheezing. Every
time I was there on visiting hours, our family was there. Nobody
was fighting and everybody had a shoulder to cry on. Except
for me, because my shoulder to cry on was on her journey to
heaven, walking with God.
Before my Mom decided to let my grandma go to rest,
everybody had their own time to say their goodbyes. When I
walked in her room, Began to feel jealous. I felt jealous that my
grandma was moving on without me. That she was going to be
22  Abuse, Addiction, & Loss