y o u a r e t o t a l l y a t t h e i r m e r c y.
Accidentally bring fireworks with you?
They’re not getting through. Bring a
six-ounce bottle of shampoo in your
carry-on? Kiss it goodbye. Sayonara,
bear spray you forgot you had in your
duffle. You have to do whatever the
TSA agents tell you to do and can only
bring beyond the checkpoint what they
deem is safe for you to have with you.
And if you ever forget your ID, you will
discover the lengths these agents will
go to as they carry out their job. One
time I was flying through Newark, New
Jersey, with only a temporary driver’s
license, one of those paper ones the
DMV prints out on the spot when your
real one is coming later in the mail. For
whatever reason, it wasn’t a problem
on my outbound segment, but in
Newark, the agent didn’t recognize the
temporary ID as valid. He pulled me off
to the side and explained that he would
have to do a thorough examination of
my person and possessions.
body. I have been married for thirteen
years, but this screening involved
places my wife doesn’t even know
about.
The guy was a total pro about it. He
even gave me a cigarette afterward.
(I’m joking.)
I know this sounds like a rant about
t h e s c r e e n i n g p r o c e s s , b u t i t ’s
actually a recommendation for more
screenings in your life, not fewer. You
should go through TSA every time
you do anything—but I want you to be
the TSA agent. (You even get to wear
the badge.) Imagine installing in your
mind one of those check-in stations,
an X-ray machine, and even one of
those hands-in-the-air, feet-on-the-
footprints scanners. So before you
let your cerebrum get a Cinnabon and
plop into a chair at gate E17, you need
to force your thoughts to go through
inspection.
And you are . . . ?
By thorough, I was soon to do discover,
he meant he had to slide the back of
his hand over every square inch of my
“
Boarding documents?
It is critical that you realize
that your mind is the high
ground of your life.”
22 • Solutions