Jottings
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users for not referring to “Santa”
because the name is more “gender
neutral” and “is the name preferred by
parents.” Worryingly, the writer said
she was now “confused and on edge.”
She added, “I have a small child and
don’t really want to raise him saying
‘Father Christmas’ if it’s hurtful to
someone.”
And it’s more than one mum in Devon
who is being left confused and on edge
by PC mania. New research at King’s
College, London, has revealed that 22
per cent of students are concerned
about their freedom of expression. A
quarter say they are unable to express
their views at university because they
are “scared of disagreeing with their
peers,” while 12 per cent say they have
“very or fairly often” heard about
incidents where freedom of expression
has been inhibited within their
university.
Generation Z
A survey has found that 70 per cent of
young people in the UK have never
heard of Mozart. The questions, put to
2,000 respondents aged 18 to 34 years,
also revealed that, in contrast, 94 per
cent had heard of the singer Adele. Yet
another survey revealed that half of 18-
24 year olds struggle to tell the time on
a clock or watch with hands. The
YouGov reports suggests that the
smartphone generation could
eventually be totally reliant on digital
devices.
Not a pork pie
In the Jottings office, we’ve got used to
businesses going to extreme lengths to
avoiding offending those snowflakes
whose aim in life is to be offended by ...
well, anything really. However, the
latest story takes the biscuit ... or, to be
more accurate, the pork pie.
UK supermarket chain Morrison’s has
announced that it will not be stocking
its new vegan pork pies, launched last
month, at its store in Melton Mowbray
in Leicestershire. The company said in
a leaked memo to staff that the
intention was to avoid causing offence
to local people.
The town of Melton Mowbray is the
spiritual home of the traditional pork
pie. The delicacy is said to date from
around 1831 when a local baker and
confectioner began baking the
scrummy treat, and now it’s EU
protected.
Since 2008, only pies made within 28
square kilometres around the town can
be called a “Melton Mowbray Pork Pie,”
and then only if they are made the
traditional way using uncured pork.
The Melton Mowbray Pork Pie
Association has welcomed Morrison’s
decision, describing the new vegan pork
pie as “not a pork pie.”
But although vegans in Melton
Mowbray will not be able to purchase
the product at their local branch, staff
have been instructed to direct anyone
who asks for the vegan not-a-pork-pie
pork pie to Customer Services, who will
arrange home delivery for them. And
no, we’re not telling porkies ...
And if the concept of a vegan pork pie
is odd, how about a chocolate baked
bean truffle? It’s the latest offering from
the UK’s poshest grocer Fortnum and
Mason.
The Piccadilly store describes the offering
as, “a playful beans on toast truffle, with
savoury tomato and haricot notes,
balanced with the sweetness of chocolate
and the crunchy texture of sourdough
crumb.” Ten for just £26.95 (€32).
Apparently, the exclusive Heinz Baked
Beanz Truffle is being sold in the store’s
new “chocolate wonderland,” and was
created as a nod to the Fortnum’s buyer
who famously purchased all of Mr
Heinz’s canned goods back in 1886.
Sophie Young, confectionery buyer at
Fortnum and Mason, was quoted as
claiming it would be, “the most
extraordinary, joy-giving chocolate
destination in all of London.”
However, its rival Harrods turned itself
into the Grinch by deciding that
Christmas was neither extraordinary nor
joy-giving unless, of course, you could
afford it. Access to its festive grotto,
including a face-to-face with Father
Christmas ... sorry, Santa ... was restricted
to those families who could brandish a
“Green Tier 2” Harrods Reward card. To
qualify for such a bauble, a customer
must have spent between £2,000 and
£4,999 (€2,350 to €5,880).
And talking of special treats, how about
the delicacy dreamed up for National
Mustard Day in the US last summer.
Yellow-coloured, mustard-flavoured ice
cream was the result of an initiative
between French’s mustard and retailer
Coolhaus. It was available at limited
outlets for a few days in Los Angeles
and New York, and as one taste-tester
commented, it was, “not nearly as bad
as you’d think.” Another added
appreciatively, “I could hardly taste the
mustard.” (So what was the point?)
Dobbies Garden Centre in Shrewsbury
26
sell a fine selection of nice stiff broom
heads, useful for tidying up the back
yard. They are displayed alongside a
notice which warns that, that under the
Offensive Weapons Act 1996, they can’t
be sold to anyone under 18 and ID is
required.
Continued overleaf
Quotes
“I have no recollection of ever meeting
this lady, none whatsoever” – Prince
Andrew responding to questions about
Virginia Roberts during his TV interview
in November last year.
“Got some questions about Virginia
Roberts.” – Prince Andrew in a text
message to Ghislaine Maxwell in January
2015.
“Fish mainly” - Sir Ian McKellan’s
response to Piers Morgan who had asked
him what he put in his home-made fish
pie. Well, if you ask a silly question ...
“They couldn’t spell Pinocchio if they
tried” – Stanley Johnson, Boris’ father,
questioning the degree of literacy
enjoyed by parents who are reported to
have named their son Pinocchio.
“A weird Swede with a bad temper” -
Jeremy Clarkson’s assessment of 16-year-
old eco-warrior Greta Thunberg.
“Boris Johnson is a very, very bad man”
- Michael Ebenazer Kwadjo Omari
Owuo Jr (aka grime star Stormzy) to a
class of seven-year-olds at his old
primary school.
“He’ll just sometimes say things he
shouldn’t” – A comment on French
leader Emmanuel Macron made at the
NATO summit in London by ... er ...
Donald Trump. Do pots and kettles
spring to mind?
Grateful acknowledgement to the following
papers from which some of this material is
extracted: Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily
Express, Independent on Sunday, Mail on Sunday,
The Sun, The Sunday Times, The Times and The
Telegraph. Seen something funny, bizarre or just
plain weird? Contributions for Jottings are welcome
by email to: [email protected].