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predominantly male, making it harder to
classify new female examples.
Not just any jigsaw ...
Your Jottings team last month reported
on a tea towel sold by Primark which
bore a dramatically redrawn map of
central London. This month, it’s the turn
of Marks and Spencer’s who have been
selling a 500 piece jigsaw entitled “British
Birds,” described as the “ideal gift for bird
watchers,” and which has already sold out
on-line.
Who hasn’t gazed out of the window onto
a typical English country garden to watch
our feathered friends and to spot the
familiar species we have come to know
and love? Unfortunately, those who do so
have yet to spot the blue jay,
hummingbird, piping plover, California
quail or Asian-breasted water hen, none
of which are native to Britain but which
appear in this collection of “British” birds.
Then there’s the glossy ibis, rose-breasted
grosbeak and hoopoe which have been
spotted in the UK but are not native
species.
And let’s not forget the giant spotted
woodpecker which is included in the
collection. Unfortunately, it’s the mirror
image of another bird labelled lesser
spotted woodpecker, and anyway, it’s
actually a white-backed woodpecker. At
least 15 mistakes have been identified (so
far) with one expert describing it as, “the
most error-strewn piece of instant
ornithological rubbish I have ever seen.”
But in the end, don’t forget that this is not
just any birdwatcher’s jigsaw - this is an
M&S birdwatcher’s jigsaw.
Jottings Awards
The first ever Jottings Award for failing to
bow before the demands of the PC
Brigade has been awarded to the Town
Council of Bideford in Devon which has
instead reached what we feared was
extinct: a sensible compromise.
In 1855, Charles Kingsley’s book about the
area was published, describing Bideford
as the “Little White Town” because of the
large number of white buildings he
noticed that had been built there. The
nickname stuck, and for years it has been
used throughout the area, including on
road signs. And guess what? You’re right!
Some residents have claimed the phrase
is racist. Public opinion was divided,
although a survey of local people came
out more than two to one in favour of
retaining the historic name. Bideford
Council discussed removing the
nickname from all signs, but rejected the
idea in favour of a proposal to amend
them to read, “Charles Kingsley’s Little
White Town (1855)” to provide context.
For once, common sense and
compromise wins the day.
The runner-up is a retired farmer,
Dominique Douthe, who lives in the
foothills of the Pyrenees, south western
France, and who was taken to court by a
neighbour recently arrived from the city
to a property 50 metres from where
Douthe keeps her flock of farm birds.
The townie had claimed that the racket
made by the ducks and geese was making
her life a misery. However, a court in the
town of Dax last month decided the
complaint was quackers, ruling that the
noise from the 60 birds was within
acceptable limits. It’s the latest triumph
for France’s country dwellers who say
that their rural way of life is under threat
by incomers from the cities. In
September, a court threw out another
complaint from new residents that a
rooster called Maurice woke them up at
dawn every morning.
Spare a thought for ...
... an un-named commuter on a Greater
Anglia Train from London Liverpool
Street to Clacton on Sea who pays £6,000
(almost €7,000) for a season ticket, but
was last month fined by an inspector. Her
offence? Unable to find a seat in the
packed train, she found herself standing
during the journey, with one foot in a
first-class carriage. Greater Anglia were
unrepentant when challenged.
... Tracy Dockerill of Buckinghamshire
whose car sat-nav started swearing at her.
Several months ago, the nice friendly
lady who guided her around Denham
suddenly vanished and a male voice
began to berate her driving skills with
outspoken naughty language. No-one is
sure why this happened, but the
manufacturer TomTom has now sent her
a replacement which now tells her
politely where to go.
... Steve Morrow of New Zealand who
decided to buy a hen after seeing them
for sale for just $1.50 in an online auction.
However, after his bid was successful, he
found he had bought not one, but one
thousand hens. But he hasn’t let his new
charges down. With the help of an animal
sanctuary, he’s finding new homes for all
the birds.
... Russian scientists tracking migrating
eagles who fixed SMS transmitters to the
birds which then flew to Iran and
Pakistan, clocking up huge data roaming
charges. A crowd-funding appeal to pay
the bill generated over 100,000 roubles
(about €1,400) and the Russian telecoms
operator has now put the birds on a
cheaper tariff.
26
... Quilty the cat who has been sentenced
to solitary confinement at an animal
shelter in Houston, Texas. The serial
offender has been found guilty of
repeatedly releasing other felines at the
shelter from their accommodation -
several times a day, and during the night.
Quotes
“Under socialism, you will all co-
operate.” – Jeremy Corben trying to
organise jostling photographers at a
photo call in Blackpool. We think he was
joking but we’re not sure.
“It tells you something about him
though, doesn’t it?” - Lord Tebbit
speaking in October about Jeremy
Corben. He recalled that the Labour
leader hosted members of the IRA for
tea in the House of Commons while
victims of the 1984 bombing of the
Grand Hotel in Brighton – including
Norman Tebbit and his wife – were still
in hospital recovering. Five died and 31
were injured in the attack.
“I personally hope that the public would
vote to Leave.” – Staunch Brexit Remain
supporter Emily Thornberry, the UK’s
Shadow Secretary of State, getting it
wrong (again), this time on a Breakfast
TV interview last month.
“Does anybody know ... what date the
Second World War started ... how long
did it go on for?” – Candidates on The
Apprentice displaying their thorough
grasp of modern history. They also
believed that a mortar board is
something used by builders.
“I’m very transparent. Nobody is more
transparent than I am.” – Donald
Trump talking to reporters on
November 8. He is the first major party
candidate in modern memory to refuse
to release any of his past tax returns. and
also the first post-Watergate US
president to refuse to do so.
“Walking is for peasants.” – 24-year-old
Nadia Nuseibeh, daughter of a
Palestinian oil mogul, on why she spends
£1,500 a month on taxis in London.
“When I was a kid all I was thinking
about was when I was getting my next
meal.” – South African rugby captain
Siya Kolisi on being asked if he had ever
dreamt of winning the World Cup when
he was a child.
Grateful acknowledgement to the following
papers from which some of this material is
extracted: Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily
Express, Independent on Sunday, Mail on Sunday,
The Sun, The Sunday Times, The Times and The
Telegraph. Seen something funny, bizarre or just
plain weird? Contributions for Jottings are welcome
by email to: [email protected].